Molto molto terrificante!

The Funhouse

Tobe Hooper. A name that is almost infamous in film for what he has done in his later years as a director...most of it being complete trash. Tobe Hooper is also a name that is synonymous with classic, as in he has directed a horror masterpiece with The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The Funhouse falls much earlier in his career, but still 7 years removed from Chainsaw.

The Funhouse focuses on two young couples that double up for a night out at a carnival that's in town for the week. After enjoying the odd and strange sights that this freak show has to offer, the teens decide it would be so kick ass to stay over night. And not stay overnight just anywhere, but in the fun house of all places. Soon after the park is shut down and the teens are just getting into some of that fun that can be had in the fun house with each other, they find themselves witness to a murder. Murders in fun house's never equate to good and soon the crew of youths become part of a cat and mouse game of survival while trapped in the titular attraction. Oh yeah, did I mention there's a monster? Yup, there's a monster too...that certainly doesn't make things any better for these kooky kids, now does it?

Not the most action packed horror film ever, The Funhouse is very slow for about the first 50 minutes or so, there are no kills or any real threat by any sort of antagonist. However, the film makes up for it with pure atmosphere. You just can't get a creepier setting than a carnival, especially a carnival in the 80's! "Carnies" as they are often called, are an incredibly odd and eccentric bunch and the carnies in The Funhouse are as scuzzy and crawly as it gets. Amy (Elizabeth Berridge) is the films main focus of the movie and will often find herself behind the rest of the group as she is almost mesmerized by these imposing carnival workers, who would appear to be talking directly to her as they spew their carnival propaganda. She can almost sense that this place is a little off, that there is something that is just not right about it...or it could be that she got baked with her friends too.

Most of the movie is spent following the teens as they dick around and go from attraction to attraction mixed in with a few dope smoking sessions here and there. They cross paths with a wide variety of freaks like a homeless woman collecting trash who repeatedly yells to the two females of the group that "God is watching you!" Then there's a psychic who reads Amy's palm while the rest of her pals giggle obnoxiously until the psychic losses her cool and says to the group "Don't come back or I'll break every bone in your fuckin' bodies!" And she says it like she means it! They are teens, and they're just having fun causing a ruckus like all teens do. Except for me, when I was a teen, I was busy mastering the skills of Ninjitsu, but that's besides the point.

The Funhouse can get away with the uneventful amount of time spent with the characters throughout the first two acts, because there is just a ton of great atmosphere throughout the film. There is no outright, clear threat in the first 50 minutes or so, but you still feel a sense of unease in a strange setting such as a carnival. Things really heat up when the double dating teens are trapped inside the fun house for their overnight stay and it almost changes the entire pace of the movie. This is where the "monster" is discovered and also it's the setting of the films first murder scene (that the teens unwillingly witness).

The real star of The Funhouse is the fun house itself...it gave Hooper a perfect setting to almost do whatever he wanted in terms of scares using the haunted ride that is built to frighten patrons. You have an excuse to light in whatever way you like and use wind machines and lightning...all things that are found in a location such as this. I get a strong sense that Hooper was going for a look and feel of something similar to Argento's Suspiria (which came out 4 years earlier) as the movie will have shots partially lit by reds and blues, at times mixing together to create a nice purple hue.

There is of course the monster that I brought up, but I wont get into too many details about that...he is a cool looking monster and somewhat scary, yet a little cheesy at the same time. With the introduction of the monster however, The Funhouse when set in the actual fun house starts to tread Slaher/survivalist territory and it mostly works except for a few boneheaded moments sprinkled in. You really do not even need to have a monster in the movie and it would seem to only be included to just have a monster for the sake of having one. Easily the creature could have been replaced by a character that might just be slow, or slightly retarded and the film would have worked just fine.

Hooper has really dropped the ball over the later half of his career, but when you see some of his earlier films, it is impossible to deny that the man did have a shit load of talent. Being able to create a film that is a defining moment in exploitation cinema (or cinema period) with one of the grittiest and most intense films of our time - then having the chops to be able to direct a movie with as much atmosphere as The Funhouse, shows what he really was capable of. When the subject of Poltergeist is brought up, there are some that credit the stronger aspects of that film to Spielberg only, while pretty much writing off Hooper as a hack.

(I love this photo)
When you watch The Funhouse, you can see a film that translates to what was done in Poltergeist in terms of atmosphere, style, and technique - it's almost impossible to just snub Hooper as being capable of directing a huge portion of it. Where that director is now? I have no clue...he has lost his way worse than almost any horror director of his generation, and after watching The Funhouse again, it reminds me of what could have been.

Paranormal Activity

You're entering spoiler country, folks.

I will forever root for the little guy. It will always warm my heart to see the underdog take the #1 spot at the box office. My heart swells at the success of Paranormal Activity. I'm just sad I didn't like it.

I'm pretty sure most people know what this film is about. It's a first person POV involving a couples documentation of the strange events in their home. BOOM! There's your plot. I'm cool with minimalist plots. I was excited to see how they were going to turn this into a feature length film. And although the film didn't drag, it was certainly repetitive.

The easiest way to go about this is to explain what I didn't enjoy. This movie didn't work for me because of the lack of tension. There were moments that had the potential to be amazing and truly unsettling. For example, the first time Katie gets out of bed and just stands, swaying slowly throughout the time elapsed footage. It was a great set up! She walks downstairs and eventually the BF goes to look for her. I was ready for an intense jump scare. I wanted him to walk downstairs and have the most fucked up thing imaginable happen. Where did he find Katie? Outside, on a swing. Sure she was acting out of it but that's not scary! A perfect opportunity blown.

The film also got into a very obvious rhythm. Night time: they capture something on camera. Day time: they bicker and possibly swear and totally break the tension. Night time: a single event happens. Day: tension breaks. Lather rinse and repeat a dozen more times. This movie never pushed the envelope. It never took the time to utilize any of the atmosphere (I'm assuming) it was attempting to build.

Once the Ouija board caught fire I was done. It just did not work for me.

The ending made me feel the way I did after I saw the US version of The Descent. They aren't similar in the slightest (other than the fact they both irritated me). I just didn't appreciate being smashed over the head with the conclusion. OH EM GEE! She is the demon! Meh. The ending I have read details of seems so much more cohesive. I'm sure a different cut wouldn't have saved this viewing experience for me as I wasn't a fan of any part of this film.

In short, hate is a strong word. I am weary to seriously use it in regards to this film. But I didn't like it. Not just because it didn't scare me, but because it wasn't a good movie. And hey, if you did like it, good for you.

Happy Halloween!

Grace

The trailer for Grace sent me into a frenzy. On the surface, the premise seemed right up my alley. A women who has lost everything willing her baby back to life only to reap disastrous consequences? Yes please! I almost blind bought it. That's how sure I was about this film. The tides have changed, my friends.

The first 20 (ish) minutes of Grace was exactly what I wanted. I adore Jordan Ladd and I wanted to make her character my bff. Seriously, a pregnant vegetarian seeking alternative birthing methods? I'll take 2! Yes, I am that easy to win over. I found her character immediately likable and totally awesome. What the Hell happened?

I'll tell you what happened! The story began to drag. The creepy breast milk subplot was totally unappealing. The inconsistent baby effects took me out of the film. Basically, I just stopped caring. And that makes me sad because I was sold after 10 minutes. I was crying as Ladd clutched her dead child and begged her to come back. Just thinking about it makes my stomach knot. I think my distaste for this film is so venomous because I felt genuinely let down. I allowed myself to get hooked; hell I wanted to get hooked! Then I was left flopping on deck of the boat only to be nudged back into the ocean from whence I came. Layman's terms? I felt unfulfilled. I was ready to go on a journey. I wanted my heart to get ripped out and my mind to get blown. When it became obvious that neither of these things were going to occur, I would have settled for being entertained. In the end I wasn't.

I haven't seen the short this was based on but I have heard it worked better in that context. I can see that. I'm devastated that I didn't enjoy this film.

Jack-O

Centuries ago, an evil wizard was executed by Mr. goodie two shoes, Arthur Kelly for his terrible practices - the wizard swears to one day take revenge on the Kelly family. He finally gets his chance when a group of 27-year-old teens mess around with his grave and unwittingly release the vengeance-seeking wizard who has now taken the form of Mr. Jack the Pumpkin Man! What a name!

1995's Jack-O is a film with such clout, that it actually has, not one, but two tag lines - the first being It's Harvest Time! which obviously fits with a movie about a killer pumpkin head dude...and the second one is He's Baaack! But what exactly is Jack-O back from? The non-existent first film? Maybe the bathroom perhaps? If that's the case, I hope he washed his hands with all that H1N1 going around. Moreover, what the hell is a Jack-O? Like that crazy pop singer that went bonkers before our very eyes? Oh wait, I get it...it's short for, Jack O' Lantern! Well played by the thinkers and doers behind Jack-O...well played indeed.

What can you expect from a movie titled Jack-O you ask? Not much, but I personally hope for some cheesy/sleazy fun, and Jack-O delivers on those qualities quite efficiently. There are a handful of familiar genre names and faces that give the film some solid B-movie credibility. You have a bunch of scream queens with Brinke Stevens who shows up as a sexy witch, Dawn Wildsmith as a sexy Sorceress, and every ones favorite B-Movie horror queen, the lovely Linnea Quigley.

This holiday themed Slasher film was directed by Steve Latshaw, and the sleaze cred goes even further with Fred Olen Ray in the producers spot...and that is where things get a little more interesting. Fred Olen Ray apparently had some extra footage of John Carradine just sitting in the forest at nighttime, along with some footage of Cameron Mitchell telling a ghost story to a not-yet-realized audience. Ray then challenged Jack-O's writer, Brad Linaweaver to write a feature-length script based around this short amount of footage, which he did and the result is of course, Jack-O! I thought it was somewhat funny that Jack-O came from a sort of dare, and it is fittingly a very Ed Wood Jr. approach to filmmaking, especially when you see this footage in the film and how much it does not match at all with the rest of the movie.

Jack-O is perfect for a Halloween party with a bunch of intoxicated friends...there is a lot to laugh at with this one folks. Sean Kelly (played by Steve Latshaw's son, Ryan) is the youngest of the Kelly clan, and suffers from these constant visions at the beginning of the film, which also serves as a way to explain the back story with that wizard Jack-Off I mentioned earlier. This is where the attempt at camera angles with skewed movements are "skillfully" showcased. The first shot of Jack-O himself was intense, mostly because I saw the exact same Jack O' Lantern at Walgreen's the very same day I watched Jack-O. Wish I had bought it now!

You can tell Jack-O is low budget when most of the locations are designed specifically for teens to (who are older than my parents) enjoy some beverages, and each other, out in the woods. Nevertheless, when teens are drinking and touching in the woods, you know they're gonna get Jack-Ed up, when Jack-O shows up! The kills aren't too terrible and there is a good amount of them - they mostly consist of "swing weapon - cut to victim holding throat or abdomen - blood spurts out of said wound."

It's not just teens that are the main focus of Jack-O's rage however. There's a random cable guy (played by the director) who is apparently working the late shift that gets it for cable prices always being, Jack-Ed up! The best deaths come when a husband and wife are bothered by trick or treater's as they are watching TV - the husband answers the door and says to the kids "looking for a handout?!" When you're an asshole to trick or treater's on Halloween, you can surely expect a visit from Jack-O who teaches the husband a lesson - with his scythe. After the man is killed, his wife, who is inside making toast (?) frantically slips on a kitchen rug and jams the knife she is holding right into the toaster. The result is the best electrical action I have seen since an 80’s metal video!

What holiday themed Slasher would be complete without the some random T&A? Well, Jack-O has its fair share of pumpkins to stare at, most notably has to be the obligatory shower scene. A three plus minute shower scene to be exact - with some generous upper body shots that almost had me Jack-Ing off! Can you guess who the upper body belonged to? You got it, Linnea Quigley! She always brings her A-game. Well, more like C-game if we're talking cup size.

As I said the acting is gut wrenchingly weak, but that make the movie that much more fun and some of the faces that these "actors" make is the stuff of legend. Rebecca Wicks as Linda Kelly constantly makes a face as if she has a pound of Peter North meat packed in her rear entrance. Catherine Walsh as Vivian (who looks like she could be the daughter of Andy Dick and Kathy Griffin...blech!) has a great scene where it seems that she is just standing there waiting for the director to call action, and she then suddenly walks off camera! Cinematic gold!

There are even more odd and random sidesplitting instances strewn through out Jack-O. One scene has these limp-wrested punk-ass kids throwing rocks at a woman's car, but rather than actually hitting the vehicle, the rocks conveniently hit the ground just in front of the tire! Must not have been in the budget for a new paint job I guess. Maybe that portion of the budget went to the wardrobe department as one of the post-teens is literally wearing jeans that are ripped from her labia; right down to her ankles…didn't this movie come out in 1995?! Also, how many people does it take to nail two branches together to make a cross? Apparently, three. There's a Polish joke in there somewhere.

I have seen many cruddy movies like Jack-O, and one thing that was missing from the movie was Jack did not speak at all. That is a huge bummer as it would have been great to hear him spout off some funny one-liners occasionally. Still, I had no problem filling those shoes as I yelled out a couple of lines myself to make up for the lack of Jack participation. Still, Jack-O is a wildly entertaining B-movie in the vein of Jack Frost and Uncle Sam, and one that makes for a good time with a group of friends and a bottle of...Jack! Of course.

Paracinema's Book Club: James Gracey's Guide to Dario Argento

I bet you didn't know we even had a book club did you? You think just cuz we don't have a cult like soccer mom following that we can't formally endorse or recommend a piece of literature? Oh, quite the contrary. In our first edition of Paracinema's Book Club we'll be discussing James Gracey's Dario Argento from Kamera Books. It's a guide to the Italian director's body of work. To put it bluntly, this book is everything I've always believed the printed word could be! Kamera Books describe this masterpiece as a "comprehensive and up to date look at cult director Dario Argento" and also an "accessible introduction to a general readership of Argento’s work – will also appeal to hardcore fan base". We say it's all that and so much more! As a matter of fact, I'd like to make a prediction about this book. You know how hotels will often provide a copy of the Bible in the nightstand next to the bed? I predict in years to come this book will placed there instead. It's that good!!! Gracey dissects Argento's work, carefully examining the reoccurring themes within each film. The author even recounts Argento's epic battle with a majestic and deadly fire breathing dragon!

Truthfully, we haven't had the chance to check out the book and that last thing probably isn't covered in it. Up until this week the book hasn't been available for purchase. Kamera Books lists the release date as October 22, but you can order NOW from Amazon (amazon.com / amazon.co.uk). We've been waiting to read this book since we first caught wind of it. If you're familiar with Paracinema Magazine then you probably already know Gracey's work. He first appeared in our 2nd issue with the article "Dreaming in Red: The Pornographication of Death and Violence in the Films of Dario Argento", and has been a regular contributor ever since. The man is an intelligent, talented writer and it's truly our pleasure to have his words featured in our pages. This book is James' first (of many to come, we're sure) and we are so excited to get it in our hot little hands. We're unbelievably happy for him and equally as proud to be one of the many entries on his ever growing list of writing credits. So please, if you've enjoyed James' past Paracinema articles (or his blog) , give him the support he deserves and pick up his book! And if you aren't familiar with his work, get the book anyway...you will not be disappointed. After all, it's Paracinema approved! In closing, I'd like everyone to stay tuned for Paracinema's Favorite Things for 2009! Here's a preview: sweater capes, calypso music, paisley tops, Chinese checkers and high heeled flip flops!