Too Cool For School

I often enjoy the writings of a great little movie blog titled Quiet Cool that is written by my very knowledgeable pal, Hans. Always thinking it was just a catchy little name, I was intrigued when I saw that there was a film of that same inspirational title while searching the bowels of the HD section of my On-Demand. I was yet even more intrigued when I saw that the one and only James Remar is the lead in this 1986 Clay Borris directed mish-mash of genres.

Right out of the gate you get the original New Line Cinema intro flickering on, like a dirty red light in some crust ridden alleyway, which instantly got me excited since I haven’t seen that logo in who knows how long. Moving right in to the familiar sounds of the sexy 80’s saxophone that was almost a staple of so many gritty crime/cop dramas from the decade of the beast, we are introduced to a sleepy police officer, Joe Dylanne (Remar) as he awakes from slumber…in full clothing. Joe rolls over, reaches for the pizza at the foot of his bed, and takes a big, thick, bite out of it! To be perfectly clear here…he is eating pizza that was left out all night long (or longer) in his lavish pigsty of an apartment (complete with motorcycle inside) all while collecting diarrhetics and other such food born illnesses. Maybe this film should have stared James Dia-Remar.

After he probably did not take a shower, Joe hits the streets of New York City on his motorcycle where he witnesses a smooth criminal on roller skates rob an unwary woman for her purse. For the record, he may be a thief, but at least this eight-wheeled bandit is thinking of safety as he wears a nice red helmet to match with his stylish yet skate friendly blue and red outfit. Remar, I “mean” Joe, being a man of the law (and a rollerblader) isn’t down with roller skate dudes that steal purses, and the big motorcycle/roller skate chase scene through the city begins. Not afraid to take it from the streets to the sidewalk, Joe can’t be shook off as easy as this inter-skate thief would like, so roller girl decides it’s time to make his way down into the safety of the subways. You know that shit aint gonna stop Joe, and it doesn’t as he rides on into the underground subway system right after the bandit, even going as far as to drive right into a subway car! It’s a great 80’s cop/action chase scene as it is funny and entertaining while showing you that Joe isn’t a cop that lives by the rules, he rules by the way he lives! He is the often grumpy, out of control, by his own rules cop, that while being a little sketchy with his methods, is one that is good at what he does. Which is apparently catching roller skaters. Hey…someone’s gotta do it.

In a completely different setting, Quiet Cool’s next scene is introduced by a faux (too old to be a) hippy couple as they are laying 69 style in a hammock whilst listening to California Dreaming on a fast forward only “walkman” that has dual headphones pumping in the inspirational music, as their hands slightly touch during their moment of peaceful bliss. Next, we meet the couple’s son Joshua (Adam Coleman Howard ), who after a little adventuring into the woods, comes to witness the death of a young man by a group of four motorcycle riding tough guys, who also double as a drug cartel trying to protect their pot farm from punk ass tattle tales. Joshua runs back to his parents, screaming about what he saw, but not too far behind is the gang. When they show up, the fearsome foursome cold-bloodedly kill both of Joshua’s parents before they focus their attention on Joshua, who gets his ass lassoed and dragged from the back of a bike until he is tossed right off of a cliff, falling to his death. This drug cartel is surprising since some old man in the woods (think Bill Lee) could achieve the same drug racket results without the use of four thugs, let alone the other ten or so cartel employees who have yet to show up in Quiet Cool. However, the main four baddies (the ones that killed Joshua and his rents) are amazing to look at in their diversity, and enjoyable in the actors that play them. Starting out with Valence played by Nick Cassavetes, the leader of the pack, who rocks out in all black. Then you got the red head red looking dude named, well, Red as played by one time John Rambo victim, Chris Mulkey. Cairo is the creepy, hair slicked back, all leather gimp minus the mask played by the not so well known horror genre vet, Clayton Landey. Adding yet another shade to this criminal color scheme is Pink, who actually is not pink at all, but very much similar in appearance to an albino person, an albino person played by Tim Shepard himself, Brooks Gardner.

As it turns out, the slain parents and teenage boy are related to a pretty little thang named Katy (Daphne Ashbrook), who just so happens to be an ex-girlfriend of Joe. After her family is missing for a few days, Katy has no one else to turn to and calls Joe for help. Of course, Joe takes off with the quickness and heads right out to Babylon, California to do a little investigating and help his one time lover. After some more intercourse-inducing saxophone plays, Joe reaches his destination of Babylon, which is a very small town, set deep in the wilderness. Joe meets up with Katy where she tells him about her missing brother and family, and she also informs him that the town has become ridden with gangsters who have ruined the quite peaceful town it once was with their pot ring and loud motorbikes. Most of the town has become corrupt, and the ones that are not in on the dope scheme, are afraid for their lives. Gang leader Valence has a network of thugs, towns folk, and even Babylon’s only police officer, Sherriff Prior (Jared Martin from the War of the Worlds TV show!) in his pocket. With big city Joe on the scene poking his nose around, Valence’s thugs attempt to cause trouble for Joe and his old bed buddy, Katy. One scene that is nothing of any original value, but great nonetheless is when Joe and Katy go to visit Katy’s mother at the bar where she works, when two of Valence’s men begin giving Katy a hard time. By hard time I mean, one of the guys is making rude “gestures” such as performing oral sex on his beer bottle (very sanitary), he then does that thing where if you make a peace sign with your fingers, turn your hand so your knuckles are facing away from you, and insert your tongue in between said fingers. Not really sure what it means, but it cant be good, because Joe gets up and lets the Babylon baboons know who’s the boss up in this piece in a scene that results in Joe doing a little mustache trim job on one of the Babylon bullies.

At some point during all of this great Joe action, it is learned that Joshua survived his motorcycle led cliff fall and after getting his bearings together again, decides it’s time for a little vengeance! Being the son of two hippie dorks with money and living most of his life in the woods; Joshua is well adapted to the elements and is almost Rambonian © in a way. Joshua’s “awesome” first revenge filled attack is on one of Valence’s compounds surrounded by a few of his men. Actually, when I say compound, I mean a place one-step above a lemonade stand that is protected by one of Valence’s most valuable players, Toker (Joe Sagal), who as you may have guessed based off his name, is getting baked while keeping an eye on the so-called compound. Toker is soon joined by a few other baddies including one of Valence‘s top dogs, Cairo who is making sure everything is copacetic. Then, from completely out of nowhere, a flaming arrow hits a container of gas next to the compound courtesy of Joshua! Shit blows up and the reaction from stoned is the way of the walk himself, Toker, is so hysterical as he yells out “COOL!” when the fireball engulfs the air. Cairo on the other hand is straight buggin’ yelling “SAVE THE GRASS!” in fear of losing all of their product. Joshua making mincemeat out of one of the outposts really pisses Valence off, and thankfully so, as Valence takes it out on Toker, blaming him for being too stoned to protect the goods. Valence takes his lit cigarette and shoves it into Toker’s ear as he yells, “SMOKE THIS!” Lesson learned.

All of the ruckus from Joshua’s attack gets the attention of Joe who runs into Joshua and is very relieved to see that he is still alive. Joe and Joshua team up to take on the rest of the thugs and rid the town of Babylon of this marijuana menace that has plagued its inhabitants for far to long. It’s a great match up as Josh is a kid of the woods, whose weapons of choice are familiarity with his surroundings and things like bow and arrows, spears, and sling shots. Joe on the other hand has his gun and his guts. He is out of his element, but with Joshua by his side, they can do some serious damage together. Quiet Cool as I brought up in the opening is a mish-mash of genres and two of them are clearly represented by Joe and Joshua themselves. Joe represents the 80’s cop character with a chip on his shoulder seen in many a film from Cobra to Dirty Harry, and to an extent, something like Beverly Hills Cop. You have the opening scene that as I said is very reminiscent of a cop film from that time period and it even goes right up into the use of that sexy saxophone (which became less as the film went on) I brought up a few times. Joshua on the other hand, represents feral revenge in the name of his murdered family ala First Blood, Predator, or any number of survivalist films that have come before and after Quiet Cool. This seems to come up a lot in the movies I have previously written about; one genre that is merged with the survivalist genre in some way or another…works for me almost every time and works for me in Quiet Cool too.

One of the stronger aspects of Quiet Cool for me is of course Remar himself as Joe. A character that goes through a slight change that fits in with the direction of the movie by the final reel. Joe and the film start off as fun and action packed with a slight sense of humor in how the movie and the character are handled. By the end of the film though, Joe seemed very different, like he has gone through an evolution of sorts. He is still a badass, but he is a badass in a different way than you would find in a crime/cop film, which is how he seemed in the first act. This character change fits in well with the genre that Quiet Cool really is deep down in its bones, and that is of a Western film. It would not seem at all like a Western in the first half, but when you think about some of the story I brought up in this here review thingy, the structure is that of a Western film. Remar’s character Joe in the end is a cowboy that has been called in to help a town that’s been brought to its knees by a band of bad guys. By the end of the film, Quiet Cool has almost completely transitioned into a Western especially when you see the fantastic finale between Joe/Joshua, Valence, and some of Valence’s leftover thugs.

With all of these different types of genre conventions in use, Quiet Cool is susceptible to being looked at as uncreative or unoriginal. I wouldn’t disagree because Quiet Cool is filled with genre clichés, but I can only say that I see a director in Clay Borris (who also co-wrote) that made a film that he wanted to make, filled with genre aspects that he loves. To his credit, he does a pretty great job of it (in all aspects) as Quiet Cool is truly all killer no filler, and I could even make a slight comparison to Tarantino, who is the king of taking his favorite parts of different types of genres and melding them together to his personal liking resulting in a hybrid film of sorts. This is no Tarantino film by any stretch, but it is a very good one, and like a Tarantino film, if you are a fan of the movie types that are influencing the end result, you will like what you see in Quiet Cool. I know I did.