The Objective

The other day I got a press release via email. For some reason or another I assumed it was for a film I'd have zero interest in. When I looked through the press release I saw that Daniel Myrick (writer/director of The Blair Witch Project) was at the helm of this ship. Ok, I'll bite. I went to the website and watched the trailer. Even though I haven't seen Blair Witch in years, I'm a big fan of it. I had a great experience seeing Blair Witch in the theater...I thought the last few minutes were incredibly effective and tense, I can't remember the last time I saw a film in the theater that elicited such a reaction. Back to The Objective trailer. I am endlessly cynical about new films. It seems like for every Let The Right One In there are 10 Mirrors. So I was ready to hate this thing just based on the trailer (wouldn't be the first time). But, halfway through the trailer I was convinced this film could be interesting.

Check out the trailer



It's got a slight Blair Witch feel. Maybe it's the "I filled this thing up with water last night!" line, after a solider takes sip of sand from a canteen. Nevertheless, I want to see this film...I'm curious to see if they lose the map in this one too.

The Objective opens at the IFC Center in NYC on February 4th and will then make its way to the Sunset 5 in Hollywood on March 13th.

Grindhouse Releasing & "Cat in the Brain"

So I have recently been in contact with the fine folks over at Grindhouse Releasing. I'm super excited to be able to pass release info along, as well as be able to (re)view some fab films.

So to get the ball rolling, available March 31st is Lucio Fulci's Cat in the Brain. Here are 3 reasons why I'm looking forward to getting my paws on this.
1) It's a Fulci film I've never seen.
2) It stars Lucio Fulci as... wait for it... DR. Lucio Fulci.
3) The deluxe edition is boasting "an amazing collection of bonus features".
You better believe I'll be clickety clacking on my keyboard as soon as I feast my eyes.

Take a look at Grindhouse Releasing's catalouge and keep your eyes peeled for more reviews and updates!

The Ice Pirates

I'm not even sure I want to go into great detail about this film. It gets my seal of approval. Based on that, you should see it.

The Ice Pirates is your typical 80's fantasy/sci fi romp. It's goofy and laughable and occasionally inappropriate. I sincerely wish I had seen this as an 8 year old. It surely would have landed itself a place amongst all the other films I hold so dear (I love you, Flight of the Navigator).

OK, so you're not into bad robot costumes and nonexistent plots. I'm not sure why you aren't... But you have to love amazing casting, right? RIGHT?! Well, take a look at this: Anjelica Huston, Ron Perlman, Robert Urich (looking uber dreamy), John Carradine and Bruce Vilanch. Yes, Bruce Vilanch. This is the kind of film they should put in a time capsule as a snapshot of our culture. It's a cheesefest people. A glorious, cheesy mess.

A.A The Apple Anonymous.

Hi my name is Dan and I never liked or understood the appeal of Rocky Horror Picture Show. 

However, I love The Apple, which is Buckaroo Banzai meets Rocky Horror Picture Show in the future of 1994. Is there something wrong with me? Let me make my case and maybe you will understand my point of view and not send Frank-N-furter, Riff-Raff or Eddie to my door (even though I would love to tell Meatloaf that my mom has a Bat Out of Hell poster somewhere in her otherwise completely Martha Stewart domicile, stick to movies Meaty.)

1. The Apple was made in 1980 and set in the future of 1994 (Great).

2. The Apples Transvestites are way more like real Transvestites, sketchy and I can not help being entranced by them, see above.

3. There was never a frat guy who was transformed into a glam rocker overnight by a public viewing of The Apple (this happened with RHPS somewhere in Wisconsin in the 1980's I am sure.)

4. The Apple is way more surreal, not like clocks dripping or anything just a totally low budget, "high" concept amalgam of music, sex, glitter, drugs and a narrative structure losely based on the allegory of Adam and Eve.

5. The Apple is actually satire of the current state of manufactured fame and 

isolation of true artistic visionaries plus it has glitter.

6. The music is not nostalgic for any soccer mom's "wild days" or anyone who is currently alive for that matter. Anyone that liked The Apple in 1980 has now passed on due to a cocaine-L.S.D-Ketamine-Heroin-overdose coupled with an acute case of Hep-E and was found with 6-7 live tarantulas in their upper G.I in a Circus Circus bathroom on the old strip in Las Vegas. (Dad I miss you.)

7. Did I mention, The Apple is set in the future of 1994 (awesome.)

8. All the actors in The Apple went on to become extras on the Golden Girls, hostesses at Denny's and frustrated yet sexually satisfied dance coaches for an all boys dance troop in Thailand.

9. Rocky Horror Picture Show actually develops characters where as The Apple just takes a more radical approach to character development (What's my motivation Mr. Golan (director)? Ahh we need more Meth on the set now!)

10. You will not be able to describe this movie in any detail without coming across like a complete lunatic, case in point...

The Apple is the story of Alphie and Bibi, who are two songwriters from Moosejaw, Canada. Alphie and Bibi come to America to perform in the 1994 Worldvision Song Festival. The song festival collects the heartbeats of the audience to calculate popularity, Aplhie and Bibi are a unexpected success. They are approached by the BIM music corporation to be turned into the next big thing, fashion first, music later. Bibi is sucked into the life of sex, drugs and music montages, Alphie is suspicious and will not take any part. Somehow, the plot becomes a biblical allegory...I swear that is how it goes down. Thank you letting me share. P.S. The Apple is German (strangeness abounds per usual.)

The Birds

*whimper* Please don't remake it?

So today I watched 1963's The Birds for the first time as an adult. Ugh! SO GOOD! Wait, let me compose myself.

As a child I watched many a Hitchcock film. Even though the iconic scenes have remained burned into my brain, most of the more subtle nuances have been wiped clean. In the case of The Birds, I distinctly remember those crows slowly begin to gather behind Miss Melanie Daniels. What I had forgotten, or rather hadn't picked up on in the first place, was the impeccable set up of tension during those scenes. The angles, the sound, the acting; it all came together to create an intense experience. Had this fallen into other hands something all together different would have sprung forth.

The idea itself is almost laughable. Attacking birds. Many an 'animals attack' flick has gone south (I'm looking at you Bats) rather quickly. The fact that at face value this film could have easily been an ineffective joke makes the remake extra icky for me. Because... a remake could easily turn out to be an unintentional, ineffective joke. Sad. But, the subject matter and premise make for a slippery slope. I don't know whats worse, outdated technology or CGI seagulls... I'm digressing from the remake talk.

Tippi Hedren is gorgeous. Suzanne Pleshette is gorgeous. Rod Taylor is so manly it hurts. What a glorious cast to stare at for 119 minutes. I think I have a new cinematic obsession.

Adam Green's Fairy Tale Police

I recently downloaded a few of the "Horror Meets Comedy" titles exclusive to Xbox LIVE. They're free and I thought it could be an interesting premise. From the Xbox site: "The unique concept of masters of horror taking on comedy sees some of the world's greatest horror directors bring their comedic visions to life. The short film pilots will be available worldwide on Xbox LIVE from influential horror directors like James Wan (Saw, Death Sentence), David Slade (30 Days of Night, Hard Candy), James Gunn (Dawn of Dead, Slither), Lucky McKee ( May, The Woods), Andrew Douglas (The Amityville Horror), Adam Green (Hatchet), Peter Cornwell (The Haunting in Connecticut) and on-line director, John Clisham."


Fairy Tale Police Trailer

So far I have downloaded & watched (in this order) The Miracle of Phil from Andrew Douglas, Blue Like You from Lucky McKee and of course, Fairy Tale Police from Adam Green. It was a miracle I even gave Fairy Tale Police a shot as the first two shorts I watched were underwhelming. But I thought Adam Green could be funny...also FTP stars the lovely, lovely Rachael Leigh Cook...in a police uniform...so I sort of had to see it.

And to my surprise, it was funny! I'd even give it another watch. So, if you happen to have an Xbox 360 I'd say get to watchin'...If not, head over to the Fairy Tale Police Myspace page to see more of what you're missing out on.

"Last House on the Left" '09 Trailer

So here it is folks.



Eh. I'll briefly explain my "eh" status. Briefly because there is no use picking apart a film based on trailer alone. Trailers can be cesspools of misdirection. But still, an "eh" springs forth.

I'm not a huge fan of the original. I mean, I like it. As far as rape/revenge goes, I don't believe it to be the king of the genre. This trailer also spells too much out for me. I almost feel like I don't need to see the film itself. That's just my hang up though. I don't like to be treated like a moron; keep me guessing a little!

Here's the big issue: I doubt there will be any rape. OK, maybe there will be "rape", or implied rape. But, from what I am gathering from that trailer, it looks like the focus will be on the parents revenge. It comes off as calculated and long winded. Again, misdirection and all... BUT, if the reason for the violent revenge is never built, the revenge itself will ring hollow and unnecessary.

In short, I personally have already made up my mind to dislike this. It may surpirse me though. I love a good surprise. The dad was great in Ghost.