Chocolate

The story of Chocolate starts off with Zin (Ammara Siripong), a women caught up in a sorta love triangle between ex boyfriend and Thai gangster No. 8, (and yes, No. 8 is his name!) and Japanese Yakuza boss Masashi. (Hiroshi Abe) Zin digs Masashi more than she does the overly jealous No. 8, (Pongpat Wachirabunjong) which of course causes some "issues"…and it can’t help that Masashi is Japanese either. To keep everything kosher, it’s decided that Masashi will go back to Japan, and he and Zin will no longer keep in contact with one another…or else. Reluctantly, Masashi does what is asked, but not before a little bit of the old in and out occurs between Masashi and Zin, thus causing Zin's belly to swell with her baby daughter Zen. Shortly after her birth, it is learned that Zen (Yanin "Jeeja" Vismistananda) has autism, and it will be a lot of extra work for Zin to raise her. As Zen grows older, she spends much of her time scoping out the Muay Thai school next to her home and watching a ton of Martial Arts films, all the while wolfing down her snack of choice M&M's. This is where the balance of Zen's handicap shows, with lightning fast reflexes and the ability to retain all of the fighting moves she has seen in films and from watching the students practicing at the neighboring Muay Thai school, Zen constantly practices the fighting styles that she has become enamored with over the years. And you know what? She's getting pretty damn good at it too.

Zen's cousin Moom, (Taphon Phopwandee) has been making some money off of Zen's abilities by having people on the street throw balls at her from different directions, which she catches with out any hint of effort whatsoever. Later on it is learned that Zen's mother Zin is sick with cancer, and they cannot afford the expensive treatments to keep her alive, some of the street performance money goes to her treatments, but it's not nearly enough to pay for the medical cost. Moom eventually stumbles upon a old book from Zin's "bangin" days, that's filled with debts that are owed to her. With this new found knowledge, Moom and Zen set out to collect these debts to help pay for Zin's treatments, only problem is…no one wants to pay up. Now it's up to Zen and her unique fighting abilities to take care of business, and all this business that Zen is taking care of eventually gets the attention, and ticks off No. 8 which brings the violent man back into there lives, and not in a positive way either.

With a stateside DVD release early in 2009, Chocolate is a Thai Martial Arts film directed by Prachya Pinkaew, and stars first time actress Yanin "Jeeja" Vismistananda aka Jeeja Yanin (I'll call her Jeeja to save brain power) as our main character Zen. Jeeja, who has a background in Tae Kwon Do, was discovered by Pinkaew while casting for the film Born To Fight in 2003. Being impressed with her talent and presence, Pinkaew went on to write Chocolate with Jeeja in mind as the lead in the action heavy Martial arts film. Only showing in a few major cities about 4 days before the February 09' DVD release date, the miniscule theatrical run for Chocolate is a bummer since it would have been nice to see this one up on the big screen. With the duo of Panna Rittikrai behind the fight choreography and Pinkaew behind the lens, who are the same duo behind the two U.S. Tony Jaa films, 2003's Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior, and 2005's The Protector aka Tom Yum Goong. Both films brought in a little cash in there theatrical runs, with 4.5 million for Ong-Bak and a hair over 12 million for The Protector. So it is kinda surprising to me that Chocolate didn't make it into more U.S. theaters since both of those films were semi-successful. For the record, I would have seen it twice.

Chocolate is a very fitting title for this movie, since that is exactly what was left in my pants after seeing the film for the first time, and I just have to say right off the bat that Chocolate is easily one of best (for me at least) modern M.A. films that I have seen in quite some time. The sometimes sappy story is pretty good and is kinda sorta original, the character development is also admirable as I actually felt compassion for some of the protagonist's in this film. But with all that wimpy silliness aside, what I really came here for is some dope ass action, and some amazing fight sequences, which Chocolate most certainly delivers on in spades. Just starting off with how solid this film is shot, Pinkaew shows how good of a director he is by giving you something to look at visually at all times. Even when there isn't any of the sexy action happening on screen, the film has a nice sense of style and at times even a "hint" of brilliance. When the action happens however, it is just an amazing thing to watch Chocolate and its bad ass brawling character. Rittikrai's choreography never feels staged, is simply breathtaking, and aesthetically has a very realistic style with the throw downs, almost like it has minimal wires and no CGI used…which was the case with Ong-Bak. Some shots hold long with minimal cuts in some of the best moments of the film, but when the cuts do happen, they are almost masterfully done. The editing in Chocolate is SO tight, truly something to witness for any fan of cinema, not once did I feel lost in a sequence, or confused as to who was doing what. Every fight set piece is diverse, nice to look at, and has a different overall feel from one another. Fittingly, the fighting styles and how they're shot also slightly adapt to the different settings in a nice way. Outside of the sometimes bloody fighting sequences, Chocolate is a pretty violent film at times, at least with its tone and feel. Maybe even if the fighting was replaced by gun play scenes, Chocolate could even possibly work as a straight Gangster/Yakuza film. However, Chocolate does full on deliver as an overall Martial Art's film as each and every fight scene is just amazing, and even the lesser fights are pretty solid and only lesser in comparison to some of the stronger fights in the film.

As obvious from my ramblings up above, Chocolate has a lot of positive things for me to like about it, but my favorite aspect of Chocolate by far is star "Jeeja," who’s character Zen in the span of 92 minutes, has became one of my favorite M.A. characters that I have been lucky enough to witness on screen. I just love the character of Zen, I think she is completely adorable, the simplistic way she dresses is cute for some reason, I love how she interacts with her surroundings, and just watching her whale on M&M's while watching Tony Jaa films is just so…so fucking cute! Having Zen be autistic really added to the characters effectiveness for me too, makes you root for her as she is the ultimate underdog, or so it seems that way at least. Just having a character with what is a simplistic, yet complicated mind, a mind able to comprehend and mimic fighting styles and techniques, while having reflexes faster than a person with fast reflexes,(?) but also having a mind not able to comprehend why her sick mother Zin, can’t take her out for a day at the park. This all makes for something a little deeper than your average action hero/heroin, and Zen is a character that I really truly loved watching. Her fighting style is something else, and she progressively gets better, more comfortable and even more confident in her abilities as each fight passes. Her use of her surroundings is as impressive as some of the best I have seen in this type of film, and every time she made a move…I was captivated. In what is one of the more interesting fights at the end of the film, we see her actually adapt to, comprehend, and mimic a characters fighting style (similar to the inspirational B-ball dance scene from Honey at 1:43) after she initially has a hard time against him. Zen's motivation is nice and simple, collect the debts from the people in Zin's past, and with enough cash, her mother can afford the treatments to help fight her cancer and keep her out of the hospital. This motivation is also more than enough to turn Zen into an almost unstoppable fighting machine, hell bent on making her mother better again, no matter what the danger and stakes may be.

Jeeja does an admiral job of playing Zen, and her portrayal of a girl with autism is pretty good, especially considering this is her first film, as it's a lot to ask from an actress new to the game. This girl is a star, plain and simple, a girl that can keep up with the best of them, she is super cute and has a good look, a look that can be very intimidating to say the least. Outside of her Tae Kwon Do training, Jeeja did two years of extensive fight training with choreographer Rittikrai, and her dedication sure as hell shows. This girl is a straight up beast…no other word could fit any better, when Jeeja throws down it is an awesome thing to watch, as she is able to handle some serious stunts and pulls them off without a hitch. My favorite is when she cracks someone with an elbow or a knee, she does so with such authority and force that it's hard to not wince at the sheer strength that she possesses in such a tiny little frame. Simply put…I love this character, I love this actress, and I can only hope that this is just the beginning for such a talented young lady as my radar is now set to "Bad ass bitch." I checked around and found very little about the next film that she is attached to work on, only that it is brought to us by Rittakrai, and will be a romantic action film. I also wouldn’t be surprised with the reception that Chocolate has gotten, that a Chocolate II is somewhere down the pipeline…or at least that's what I hope.

Chocolate's U.S. run time is 92 minutes, which is down considerably from the original 110 minute Thai release. Normally something like this would really nag at me, but Chocolate has a great pace and I am obviously more than happy with the film as is. If I bump into the Thai full length release of Chocolate at a convention sometime, I will be sure to pick up a copy for myself. I will however just go ahead and say that I straight up LOVED this film, and I bought into every aspect of Chocolate, hook, line, and sinker. I also have found myself a new female Martial Artist in Jeeja to eagerly follow, and look forward to her many future endeavors. Jeeja is a major reason why I enjoyed this film as much as I did, her charisma and ability is something that I truly appreciate, and there is very few things that I love more than a female Martial Artist that can really hold her own. No joke…I could go on forever about Chocolate, and I feel like I left a ton out of this write up with some of the other relationships going on in the movie. Shit, I didn't even bring up the brief Anime sequence, or the Transvestite gang, (oh yeah, your favorite…Trannies!!) but long winded already I am, and I would have to attest that to how much I truly enjoyed this movie. I cannot recommend Chocolate nearly enough, and If you are even just a mild fan of Martial Arts films, you owe it to yourself to see Chocolate as soon as possible, and to witness this new action hero/bad ass mother fucker Yanin "Jeeja" Vismistananda for yourself. If you don't, then you will get a sick ass sliver…in your eye!! (Okay, maybe not)

Cat In The Brain (aka Nightmare Concert)

The fine folks over at Grindhouse Releasing sent us over a copy of Fulci's Cat In The Brain. And not just any copy, the limited lenticular 3-D cover! It's sort of gimmicky but it got my attention. I unwrapped the DVD as soon as it came out of the shipping envelope. DVD art isn't something that I usually notice (with the exception of Criterion's stuff), probably because most of it is just there. But this packaging served as more than just paper with information on it. It's sharp artwork is an eye grabber, with or without the lenticular cover. Cat In The Brain comes as a two disc set. As usual, the first disc contains the film, a restored, uncensored, director's cut that is. I must say, the picture looked great...Very sharp and vibrant, I was impressed. The second disc contains the usual fare; trailers, stills, poster art, footage of a Q&A with Fulci from the 1996 NYC Fangoria Weekend of Horrors and a small handful of interviews with Cat In The Brain's actors. I found it funny that the majority of the actors spoken to really didn't have positive things to say about Fulci's work persona. However, they always managed to throw in a "But if you knew him, he really was a kind man" for good measure. The interview that really sparked my interest was with Brett Halsey, veteran actor who began his career in the early 50's and starred in Return Of The Fly, Revenge Of The Creature & Godfather III. Mr. Halsey spoke about how he began his career, how he came to know Janet Leigh, how he eventually went to Italy to act, working with Bava and ultimately his experiences with Fulci. I was completely captivated by Mr. Halsey's charming film making tales, I could have listened to him for hours...But back to Cat In The Brain!


















Cat In The Brain is about Fulci. Literally. Fulci plays himself, a director of brutally violent horror films, who loses his grip on reality and can't tell a bloody set piece from an actual murder. As fantasy further melds with reality, Fulci seeks the help of a not so innocent local psychiatrist. Fulci spends most of the film questioning his own innocence as people go missing and are found hacked up. This film is FILLED with gore. Some of it looks great and some of it looks really bad, but even the bad stuff is entertaining. I mean, there are so many heads separating from necks and how could that ever get old? Fucli has no acting chops, he's got over acting chops and I loved it! Fulci tosses in a few interesting nods, one being a near recreation of the shower scene in Psycho. Also, there's a scene where Fulci watches a sequence he filmed in which a woman loses an eye. Fulci converses with a crew member about the quality of the eye popping and it's a bit humorous, given Lucio's history with eyeballs.

As the film progresses the body count rises. At one point I thought, "Who are these characters? Did I miss something?". It seemed like actors were being brought in, simply to be killed. I later found out that Fulci used some of the violent scenes from his old film catalog, which would explain why characters would show up with no set up or introduction to get offed. Cat In The Brain is as entertaining as pretty much anything Fulci does is...Although in this case plot loses out to fake blood. But you know what? I'm okay with that. Watching Fulci act is easily worth the price of admission and Cat In The Brain is a must have for any Fulci completist. And if you're concerned about Fulci's well being in the film, no fear, our hero makes it out alive! And ends up sailing off into the sunset with a fine young lady...That's right, Fulci's on a boat!



















Thanks again to Grindhouse Releasing for making Cat In The Brain available & letting us take an early look at it. For more information, head over to grindhousereleasing.com. Cat In The Brain is available March 31st. Check it out.

Top 5 Shocking Scenes

I decided I'd compile a list of the most shocking gore scenes in film. Now this list is specific to me, things I've seen that may have stuck with me since I first viewed them. I'm not saying these are the most shocking scenes in film history, but rather moments that were/are hard for me to watch. This list comes on the heels of watching the French film Martyrs last night. I heard it was shocking, gory, upsetting and just plain hard to watch. Well, it wasn't...At least not for me. With that being said, here are my top 5:

5. The Toxic Avenger - The head crushing scene



















I was an impressionable young boy when I was first exposed to this film. If I remember correctly, a few friends and I rented The Toxic Avenger from a local video store, back in the days when giving children violent films to watch was perfectly fine. I remember watching as a speeding car hits a boy on his bike. After impact, the boy (who was probably around my age at the time) crawls along the road, unable to walk. His attackers see that he's still alive, so they put it in reverse for one more head crushing try. It's very cheesy looking, but back then I totally would have believed that they filmed an actual head being run over. For days after, the image would playback in my mind. I was just so amazed something like this had been filmed. The upside of course was that there were plenty of boobs for us to look at...Score!

4. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre - Kirk's death scene



















TCM is one of my favorite films of all time. It's another movie I somehow saw as a kid. The movie scared me, it was dirty, rough around the edges and like nothing I had seen up until then. Kirk receives a hammer beating from Leatherface, which in itself is pretty brutal...But it's the moment right after that which made a real impact. In one smooth motion, Leatherface drags Kirk's convulsing body into a blood red room and slams the metal sliding door closed. Horrifying. It still creeps me out today.



3. Cannibal Ferox - Any & all animal death scenes



















People get killed, people get tortured, people get eaten...It's just a movie. But once I see a huge sea turtle actually get it's head taken off on camera, forget it...I can't watch. First time I saw it, I was shocked to say the least. I really do like this movie but I have zero interest in watching it again...And that goes for Cannibal Holocaust too.

2. Thriller, A Cruel Picture - The eye slicing scene



















Thriller, A Cruel Picture is a classic exploitation film, starring the lovely Ms. Lindberg. Long before seeing it, I heard the filmmakers of Thriller had used a real corpse in one of the scenes, but I wasn't completely convinced this was true.

"A long standing rumor surrounding the film was that a real corpse was used for the scene where Madeleine's eye is taken out with a scalpel. In a March 2006 interview, Christina Lindberg confirmed this. The body was of a young girl who had committed suicide. Makeup was added to the eye, and the shot was filmed in the hospital that had received the body." - from imdb.com

After seeing the footage I am now a true believer. It looks exactly like you'd think a scalpel entering an eyeball should look...Stomach turningly disgusting.

1. Irreversible - Face vs fire extinguisher scene
Completely brutal scene. No cutaways. Just violence. If you're not familiar with this film, (although I'm sure you are) see it. Gaspar Noé knows how to shoot traumatic events...by staying with the action for just a little too long. This method forces you to fully process and deal with the horror you're seeing, further driving home the realism of the awful attack. Watch my #1 pick below, but be warned...It's graphic.



Don't like my list? Check out the video below. This kid is gonna school y'all chumps on the goriest gross out horror films. Yo, sound the bell, school is in, sucka!



I could listen to this kid drone on about movies for hours...It's beyond entertaining. Also, you have to drink every time he says the word "gory".

I would love to hear some of your most horrific film memories, don't be shy...Leave a comment!

Martyrs

Before blogging a single word, I must ask myself this question: Would I have the same opinion of Martyrs had I not heard so many other opinions before viewing?

The answer is no. Had I randomly happened upon this film, I would have loved it. I would have drank in every aspect of it, from camera work to plot. Unfortunately for me, I went into it expecting to be blown away. I wasn't.

If you are super spoiler sensitive, I'd say avoid this.

I am not squeamish unless you are a torturing a sea turtle. I don't know why I expected Martyrs to show me something so life altering that I would want to shut the film off. I didn't find it particularly mean spirited or "brutal" or "heavy". It was a good story, so I can't write it off as simple "torture porn". It most surely was more than that. The torturous acts added to the overall plot. It drove the story rather than controlled it. The films ending successfully caused me think and ponder (the obvious questions raised that I won't full-on spoil here). The acting was strong and the characters were sympathetic to the max. But, at the end of the 90 some odd minutes, I hadn't felt like I had gone on a journey.

This may be because of my own personal circumstances. The fact that I expected to go on a journey may have a lot to do with it. I, apparently, am also jaded and soulless, as Inside and I Spit On Your Grave don't make me squirmy. I also had the luxury of hitting pause and eating popcorn. As much as I appreciated the effort being taken to make me live through the cinematic torture of this poor girl, I just didn't.

Don't go thinking you can throw this film on at your 14 year old niece's sleepover. It's not tame by any stretch. There's blood and gore and cruelty coming at you in all forms. Taking that into consideration, this is also quite a lovely film to look at. I think it was going for beautiful poignancy highlighted by disgusting savagery. On that level alone, 2 thumbs up!

At the end of the day, I enjoyed it. It was well put together and executed. It was well acted and shot. It was everything I expected it to be, therefore, it lacked any and all punch.

Body Snatchers 1993

"Where you gonna go, where you gonna run, where you gonna hide? Nowhere, cause there’s no one, like you, left"

Not having seen Body Snatchers since it came out on VHS way back when, and having fond memories of it at the chicken tender age of 16, I decide it was about time to revisit the third film based off the 1955 Jack Finney novel, The Body Snatchers. This movie has a lot going for it, a screenplay co-written by Stuart Gordon, directed by one Abel Ferrara, and based off of a classic story of fear and paranoia. Not surprisingly, Body Snatchers still holds up pretty well after all these years, and with a brisk runtime of 87 minutes, the film is quick and to the point, with no time consuming filler, or spoon feed back story for the movie goer to endure.

The story/set up is simple enough…we meet the Malone family, who are temporally living on a military base, where recently remarried father and EPA inspector Steve Malone (Terry Kinney) is testing hazardous waste stored by the military. Marti Malone, (Gabrielle Anwar) is his somewhat rebellious teenage daughter who is our main lead in the film, a girl going through a lot of growing pains with adjusting to her new stepmother Carol, (Meg Tilly) and having to relocate at a difficult age to such a non-teenage friendly location like a military base, she is a character going through the motions. Marti does however make friends with Jenn Platt, (Christine Elise) a slutty Billy Idol look alike, and daughter of a military General. Slutty Billy Idol look alikes usually lead to hanging with some boys, which is the case for Marti when she gets to hang with chopper pilot/vampire Tim Young (Billy Wirth) at an off base bar, which lands her in the shit house with her father when she returns home buzzed and past her curfew. One of the first signs that some of the locals are a little off, is in a chilling scene when Marti’s younger brother Andy,(Reilly Murphy) is the only kid in class to paint something different than the rest of his classmates, who all have painted almost identical pieces to one another. From here things get progressively worse for Martie and the rest of the Malone family, as more and more people seem to be acting less and less like themselves.

Body Snatchers does a nice job of not wasting a lot of time with pointless back story that would probably bog down the film, and take away some of the movies effectiveness. You can easily fill in the blanks, and get the idea what the Malone family is all about, along with the family struggles they are going through without any difficulty in doing so. The military base setting is a well thought out setting, as the military obviously has great resources, and access to all forms of transportation, weapons and communications, thus making it the perfect spot for an alien invasion to begin, and easily spread. Also, I must add that the military is THE definition of conformity, they wear uniforms and follow a strict, repetitive, daily regimen, with no choice to really do other wise, individuality is obviously out the window…much like pod people work. Plus, just knowing that the muscle of our country could be used against us in an alien takeover is quite the frightening scenario indeed…who would protect and save us then? Ferrara’s direction here is pretty top notch, and Body Snatchers is nicely shot with some great camera movement that I found to be very effective, especially during the more horror related scenes. The threat of the pod people is at times brilliantly done, with the use of shadows to insinuate that there is danger, without actually showing the threat itself, a smart decision considering the pod people are as faceless as the shadows that at times come to represent them. The score is decent, and at the right times it is fittingly ominous just when it needs to be.

Another positive aspect of Body Snatchers that works well for me, would have to be some of the acting. Overall, the cast is pretty solid, but a few of the actors really put forth strong performances, most notably so would be a genuinely chilling, Meg Tilly. In what is the turning point of the Body Snatchers, and a scene that is scary as genital warts, a dual "Snatching" is botched, and Steve is rounding up Marti, Andy and Carol to get the hell outta dodge, when Tilly delivers the truly frightening “Where you gonna run, where you gonna hide” monologue. A monologue that I would consider to be one of the most powerful, and effective moments in horror cinema. Although a very small role, Forest Whitaker puts forth a stellar and very convincing performance as the paranoid, and completely broken down Major Collins. Of course I should mention Mr. "Major Malfunction" himself, R. Lee Ermey who has a small role as General Platt, and as always, does a great job of playing…well, R. Lee Ermey…but with a real busted looking, Grecian Formula mustache. Gabrielle Anwar is pretty solid as she carries the bulk of the film, she has a great look, and really pulls off the lonely teen in angst. When I saw Body Snatchers in my mid teens, it was easy to relate to her, as I had moved from one end of the country to the other, so I kinda knew what she was going through. Plus, I cant fail to mention that I had the biggest crush on her for the longest time, and even now on Burn Notice she is still quite the stunner.

My only real complaints with Body Snatchers are very minor to say the least. At times he is okay, but overall I find Marti’s little brother Andy (Murphy) to be as annoying as having a boner when I have to make tinkle in the morning. Another issue I have is…well it’s very obvious that Marti is 17, (but looks even younger) and I tried to convince myself that her love interest Tim (Wirth) is probably 18 or 19...but it doesn’t work, the dude just looks like he’s 28 no matter what I tell myself. It was hard to get over the fact that he looks so much older than her, and not to the fault of Wirth in anyway, it just didn’t settle well with me, and was kinda creepy to be honest. But those complaints are pretty minimal, and maybe even a bit nit picky in the grand scheme.

Overall, Body Snatchers is a very solid horror film with a lot of things done right. The Body Snatchers "Snatching" is frightening, and visceral, while still being a visually beautiful act to witness in scenes that are genuinely scary. The Snatchers themselves are emotionless shells of the former human inhabitants, and as introduced in the 1978 version, when they spot a human they point and scream in a very alarming way that is powerful, and jarring …a sound similar to the one my mother made when she once caught me "growing hair on my palms." The very cool revenge themed ending, leaves you with a perfect set up for what could have been a very cool sequel, but the film was nothing more than a box office glitch upon its original release. It’s a pity that this film didn’t get much of a chance when it released in 93, MGM gave it the shaft and only put it out in a handful of theaters where its theatrical take was a measly $428,868 in the U.S. For me personally though, the film has a lot of meaning, is well thought out, and a lot of care was taken from the setting of the takeover, to the many parallels’ that can be found in Body Snatchers. I can very easily recommend Body Snatchers to any fan of the horror genre, and I hope if you haven’t yet seen it, then you give it a chance…maybe you’ll enjoy it as much as I did, and still do.

Timecrimes

I dropped the ball twice while Timecrimes was screening in NYC. Thankfully I got my grubby little mitts on a copy courtesy of Magnolia Pictures. Magnolia just keeps on delivering as of late with titles like Man On Wire, Chocolate, The Mutant Chronicles and Let the Right One In. With a catalog like that, my expectations were freakishly high for Timecrimes.

Quick review is as follows: It's super good. You should watch it. It makes ya think.
Any longer of a review and you're going to inevitably enter spoiler country. I'm fine with it... just be warned of what's to come.

Here's the meat a potatoes of it: Timecrimes is a Spanish language film that follows a man, Hector, through time. Literally. I am a sucker for overlapping story and putting pieces together. I like when a film challenges me. Timecrimes did just that. It took a very simple story and layered it on top of itself. As Hector races to make sense of what's going on, the viewer becomes privy to other levels of the story. At times this seemingly simplistic tale folds over itself so totally that the pause button comes in handy. I did pause this film. It's also helpful to have a friend around. Some things make more sense once you talk them through.

Suspension of disbelief is also a necessity. You must not only believe that time travel is possible, but you must also accept every move that Hector chooses to make. At times I took issue with his choices. In order to enjoy this film, you have to go along for the ride. The time travel itself raises many deeper questions in regards to morals, free will and destiny. All very interesting themes that this film merely brushed against, never really delving into the deep stuff. I also take issue with the way this filmed seemed to be marketed. The posters and even the trailer make it out to seem much more sinister than it is. It's not candy canes and cherry blossoms, but it certainly isn't a grimy thriller.

I highly recommend this one and am sad to report no release date as of yet. I will keep you posted though. It is definitely worth a look. Especially if you're into well done (but not perfect), non liner story telling.

EDIT: 3/31/09 pre order!

The Majorettes

What brand of cigarettes, does the killer in The Majorettes smoke?

"Sis, Boom, Blood. You're Dead!" Declares this ridiculously great tag line, to the 1986 slasher film, The Majorettes. Aka One by One, The Majorettes is based on a book and screenplay, written by John Russo of Night Of The Living Dead fame, and directed by first timer Bill Hinzman, this low budgeted Slasher was my choice to fill the Slasher void for the week. Since My Bloody Valentine and a few of the Friday movies have recently seen special edition DVD treatment, I've been on a pretty major slasher kick, watching some I haven't seen in many years, and trying to check out a few of the lesser mentioned films of the genre that ruled the 80's, with an Iron Maiden fist. Reluctantly, I decided to spend an evening, with The Majorettes. Normally, spending a night with a pep squad sounds like a fun evening...filled with dance moves and practice kisses, but going in to this film, I wasn't expecting very much fun. In fact, I was fully expecting it to be pure crap.

Budgeted at an insanely low $200,000.00, The Majorettes is one of the lowest costing slashers of the 80's era by far. Starting off in a high school gymnasium, we are lucky enough to witness a wonderfully choreographed group dance number, that thankfully evolves into the ladies turning in some solo moves to show that they have individuality, and sass. And oh boy the sass must have worked for free, because this is some 6 figure sass if I've ever seen it, and it's all done to some dreadful 80's music. At least this is a funny way to start to the film, but it doesn't make me feel any better that this one, is probably gonna suck. Soon after, we meet Tommy and Nicole parked out in the woods getting ready for some "bible reading" when the "hot" Nicole reveals to the "not hot" Tommy that she cant bone him because she is preggers, and was using Tommy so she could say he was the father. Why would she do such a thing you ask? Because Tommy is a good kid that has future, but the "real" father Mace Jackson does not. A fact that isn't hard to figure out when Tommy delivers one of the best lines in the movie during Nicole's confession of who the father is, Tommy responds with: "Mace Jackson? The dope pusher!" HA! At this point I am at least enjoying the bad acting and waiting for a terribly done kill to happen, when about 13 minutes in we meet our killer, decked out in full on Camo. Being treated to a nice POV shot, that leads in to the first kill of the film, we see Tommy get the honors of first death, in a scene that actually is...pretty satisfying. I felt like when the killer attacks Tommy and Nicole in this first kill scene, he seems like a real monster, and I mean that in the literal sense. He is a killer with an intimidating presence, a presence that I noticed and enjoyed for sure. Moving on to Nicole, (who escaped to the woods during Tommy's demise) we are treated to a pretty nice little chase scene through a fog filled woods setting, that has some nice atmosphere, and as expected, ends in a not so positive way for our poor little Nicole. Nothing too original or anything, but pretty well executed and was maybe a cause for some hope.

This opening as it turns out, (for me at least) is almost exactly the definition of what The Majorettes is all about. As we start to get in to the meat and taters of the movie, and majorettes are getting knocked off left and right, all of the plot points are starting to (ahem) develop. You pretty much get the idea that this is a below average slasher film, with little originality, and a low budget that really shows. The acting for some is passable, but for a few select others it's just downright awful. Some of the locations are also pretty rough as a nasty ass dive bar/pool hall, is passed off as a strip club by adding folding tables with vinyl tablecloths, and what looks like Christmas lights around the perimeter of the 10x10 ground level dance floor. I must add though that strip club=boobs, something that is a mainstay in the slasher genre, and The Majorettes doesn't skip in this department too much either. Darn. Of course you're going to be subjected to the time tested "who's the killer?" aspect of the movie. Most of your usual suspects are include: You have the police officer, who as always with every film of this nature, is a suspect. You have the German nurse that cares for a wealthy elderly woman, (who is in a bad way from a stroke she has suffered) but seems to be more interested in trying to get her hands on the old bags cash if she were to...lets say...mysteriously pass on?! But there is a certain high school aged granddaughter that would stand in the way of the nurse getting her grubby little paws on the loot. Of course as per usual, you have the creepy slow maintenance guy, that rocks a sick pair of overalls, and a lunchbox containing a perfectly pervy pair of binoculars used to watch the majorettes from the stands, in a fashion that is just straight up obvious. He also seems to make time to scope out unaware sun bathers as they glisten under the...err...shade. But with this Jerry Lewis sound alike taking pics of naked sexy thangs through the vents of the Majorettes locker room, he is clearly to obvious of a choice to be the killer. Or, is that the brilliant trick used to throw you off of the real killers trail? I of course cant forget our friend Mace. "Mace Jackson? The dope pusher!" you ask? Yup, the very same one. Don't forget, Mace has the perfect motive...the kind of motive that shits, and cries, and costs money. Of course, Mace wants nothing to do with having a baby, he's a drug pusher, and drug pushers hate babies. Babies take away all street cred, and how can you make money slangin dope, when you got no street cred. I cant imagine the diaper bag helping his sales any either.

Since the subject of Mace has once again come up, I feel the need to show some love for his merry band of brothers in crime. This is the greatest gang (of four!) ever put to film, with such a diverse group of tough guys for us to love and emulate. The leader of course, is our buddy Mace, and Mace has this old school, smooth looking, Spanish tough guy style about him. Another crew member, has a pretty amazing Civil war thing going on, with his "throw back" Confederate uniform, you just know this dude is a straight up rebel. Keeping in with this diverse, yet unified crew, you have a typical biker, who you almost don't even notice, because of the forth and finale member. Straight outta the Blue Oyster Bar we have the leather clad gay biker wearing a fighting chain (think mini nun chucks with a long chain) around his neck. With a look and style reminiscent of ZOD, he is my favorite of the bad boys by far. These are some next level bad guys, and you know so when you see there hangout, which is a trailer covered in graffiti masterpieces such as "666" and get this...AC/DC. Fuckin AC/DC!!

Now with all of these things said, The Majorettes is just a mess of a movie. With a nonsensical plot, not even worthy of speaking about, bad acting, and corny ass characters. Sure this stuff is all fun in the whole "it's so bad, it's good" kind of a way, which is something that I can personally appreciate for it's fun at least. From my experience though, all of these things in a bad, low budget slasher, will more than likely mean the the kills will be piss poor and pointless. Surprisingly though, this is not really the case with The Majorettes. When there is no threat, the movie is very bad, and isn't something to waste time with outside of a good laugh and a half case of Natty Ice. Though much to my pleasure, when there is a threat, I felt this film really pays off in a big way. Even though it's not the best, or coolest, I kinda like the killers camouflage get up, mostly because I feel it looks like he is some sort of a crazy hooded hunter, who I like to think between killing teenagers may spend his time fishing, hunting or watching Charlie Moore. The score for the most part is pretty well done, and I noticed it more than a few times, which took me by surprise. During the stalking of the victims, we are treated to some nice atmosphere, and some kills that are completely satisfying. In fact, for some reason I found all of the kills to be pretty awesome, which is something I never expected when I decided to watch The Majorettes. One issue I had with the kills seems more like a budgetary issue, as almost every victim receives a slit to the throat. To make it worse, the make up effects are almost nonexistent, but I can let it slide due to the solid feel and handling of what leads up to the murders themselves.

So overall, this is a film that works on two different levels, and almost feels like two different movies. When no one is in danger, it's a bad B horror film, but when danger is present, I find The Majorettes to be a slasher, that does the best it could with what it had. As it turns out, even though it wasn't much, what they had, worked for me. Now, just a second ago I said this film works on two levels right? Well, it does...for the first two acts at least. Avoiding any real spoilers, I'll stay away from details because, I want you to have the "Major" experience I had with what I started noticing next. As the film reaches the third and final act, an abandoned factory that could double for the type of place a post apocalyptic gang would hang out in, caught my attention for some reason, but only for a second. I thought nothing more of this, till a few moments later when a little action starts up...in fact, all of the sudden from out of nowhere, there's a shoot out! With guns! And a (thankfully) shirtless man, hell bent on revenge, chest glistening from the hot intensity of the fucking EXPLOSIONS!!! that are going on around him. I am not kidding, and why this is in a Slasher is beyond me, but I loved it, and sure as hell wasn't ready for it either. I can't help but think that, this last 25 minutes of insanity was fully inspired by, cheap Italian action movies from the 80's, because that is exactly what it felt like.

After the final minutes, I sure as hell felt like The Majoretts gave me some serious bang for my buck with getting some fun kills, B movie badness, and a low budget action romp just to keep me on my toes. Of course a good portion of this satisfaction is due to my super low expectations, and as I recommend it to you, the sexy reader you are, I would hate to raise your expectations too high. Just remember, if you can keep in mind what you are watching, then you too could find some joy out of The Majorettes.

Oh yeah, the answer from the top of this post is...Camo's. I'll be here all week folks.

No Glove. No love

So in searching for something interesting to watch late one lonely and most likely semi nude night, I stumbled upon the 1979 masterwork, "The Glove." Paired up with "Search and Destroy" on the Dark Sky Films' "Drive in Double Feature" release. The Glove stars one John "Fuck Yeah!" Saxon, and Roosevelt "Rosey" Grier. With a tag line as powerful as "Wanted: Dead NOT Alive" and an opening credit sequence consisting of some of the finest music (Performed by the Glove himself Roosevelt Grier) and animation this side of the brown bowl, you might think you’re in for a serious treat. You are for the most part, as this is the perfect party movie to watch with some drunken friends. (Or semi nude and all alone.)

This Ross Hagen directed story is simple enough, Sexy Saxon plays Sam Kellog, a bounty hunter with a vicious tan who is paid 20 g’s to track down and detain Victor Hale (Grier) AKA The Glove! (I don’t think that’s what he really goes by…but I like to think so) The Glove(!) has been on a rampage of epic proportions, taking revenge on the prison guards that wrongly lumped him up while serving his jail sentence. The Glove's(!) weapon of choice is of course the same weapon the guards used on him…a glove. Though this is no ordinary glove. This is the kind of glove that demands respect. The kind of glove that is made up of "Bad ass" and "oh shit!" Why he doesn't have two gloves I’ll never know. I guess this one glove is more than enough when it comes to taking care of business.

As mentioned earlier the movie starts off strong with an awesome title sequence and quickly moves into one of the most ridiculous, yet fun scenes in this entertaining, but semi boring film. When you see The Glove(!) gearing up John Rambo style, you know someone's catching a beat down. The best is when he slides the glove on, and slowly closes his hand into a fist, only to quickly reopen his hand showing that this is not a glove made for winter. Decked out in what appears to be an MLB catcher's gear and a motorcycle helmet (all in black of course) that he needs to keep him safe from injury, as he travels by a…uh…car. The Glove(!) rolls up on his first victim to find him banging some girl he shouldn't be in the backseat of a car. Well these two dirty birds are in for a rude awakening when The Glove(!) tears apart the car with his super powered glove of death and makes mince meat out of its inhabitants. After this great beginning, the movie has little to no action at all. I spent a lot of time waiting to see some gloved action again. It’s not a terrible movie though, Saxon is very solid and carries the film for the most part. And he is involved in what is a strange yet entertaining scene involving a male homosexual couple that needs to be seen to be believed.

Another aspect I do like about this film is it’s the type of movie that the protagonists and antagonists are not all that clear. While somewhat silly, you see a light side of the Grier character that shows he’s not just some mindless prick out to kill for revenge, but actually has a heart too. Aww how sweet.

The ending is kind of entertaining, as we get a show down between Saxon and The Glove(!) where the tables are turned, and Sax gets a chance to do some damage with the glove against the…uh…glove(!) and you think its ass kickin time, right?! Well even the all mighty water resistant Glove cant help a 160 pound Saxon against a 250 pound ex NFL defensive tackle. Or does it? I’ll leave it up to you to find out for yourself.

If any of this sounds like your cup of Joe and you have been yearning for a good Halloween costume idea, then I would have to recommend giving The Glove(!) a whirl.

Maniac Cop

I always viewed Maniac Cop as one of those movies I didn't really need to see. What could it show me that the title isn't already giving away. There's a cop, and he is maniacal. Done deal right? Nope.

As soon as the opening credits began, I had to hit pause. Larry Cohen had something to do with this? My interest was instantly piqued. Wait, did that just say 'Tom Atkins'. Why didn't someone tell me this was an Atkins joint? Bruce Campbell? Like THE Bruce Campbell? Like young, handsome, 1980's Bruce Campbell? Had someone just broken this all down for me it would have been a no-brainer. Here I was thinking it just had some guy with a weird jaw. That was mean...

If you dig through all the names I just dropped, you are left with a movie about a cop, who happens to run around like a maniac. Kind of what I had always suspected. It's a fab 80's flick either way and I must disagree with something I read on imdb: "This isn't a film that will please fans of serious movies". Hey, I love me some a dem serious movies! I was in fact pleased by this piece of genre film making. So there!

Isle of the Damned

Isle of the Damned opens with a few words about the film and it's director, Antonello Giallo. I was very interested, since Isle of the Damned was "Banned in 492 Countries" & is a "1980 cult classic" available "For the first time in North America"...I know that only because the poster told me so. And while it's clear the whole back story is a gimmick, it's a gimmick executed pretty well. Apparently a work print of Giallo's Isle of the Damned was intercepted by Argentinean authorities, who upon review issued an arrest warrant for Giallo for suspicion of abuse to native peoples. Giallo was ordered to produce the actors of the film in court in order to prove they were still alive (A not so subtle, but appreciated nod to Deodato's Cannibal Holocaust). Before the film starts, a warning flashes on the screen claiming the film contains REAL footage of bizarre primitive rituals. It continues, "if cannibalistic depravity upsets you...leave the theatre immediately!" At this point, I'm loving the homage to 70's Italian cannibal films and excited to get into the meat of it. Finally, the whine of 70's synthesizers over the scratched & worn Dire Wit Films & Giallo Filma Internazionale titles would make Fabio Frizzi giddy.



















Here is a quick synopsis from the website: "Private investigator Jack Steele is hired by a mysterious treasure hunter to help find the lost treasure of Marco Polo. Along for the trip is Jack's adopted son, Billy. Their search brings them to an island off the coast of Argentina... and into the clutches of a primitive cannibal tribe, the Yamma Yamma. Alexis Kinkaid, a mysterious recluse who has made his home on the island amongst the cannibals, may hold the key to unlocking the island's secret... if they don't end up in the belly of a savage first!"

The film continues with the worn & scratched look as the main characters (most sporting bad wigs and or fake facial hair) journey into the cannibal filled jungle, in search of treasure. The characters are badly dubbed as in many Italian films from the 70's. What follows is bad acting, bad dialogue & gore. Isle of the Damned delivers gore in spades. Penis severing, check. Piranha attack, check. Exploding head, check. Torso ripping, check...It goes on and on and it's over the top for sure, but it looks pretty good. Also I didn't know cannibal tribes were so interested in sodomy...apparently they are, big time. I have made a mental note of that...no jungle vacation for me. Isle of the Damned is silly fun, period. It's goofy and never claims or tries to be serious. I'm really not much of a fan of parodies in general because it's so difficult to get them right. Isle of the Damned does look decent technically, it's lit well, edited well and shot well. In a sea of true low budget - indie horror films, Isle is a clear standout, made by a group of talented folks. I can't help but wonder what this crew could have done if they 86'd the wigs and over the top dubbing in favor of something darker and more serious.



















I briefly mentioned the music at the start of Isle, which continued to be strong throughout. I loved it and it fit perfectly into the feel of the film.

For more info, check out Dire Wit Films. These guys are bringing Isle out to a handful of cities, including: Calgary, Canada / Baltimore, MD / Cambridge, MA and a few more. The DVD will be available March 31st. Keep your eye on Dire Wit Films, I would not be surprised if they became a major player in the indie horror scene.

Death Proof

I saw Grindhouse the weekend of it's original theatrical release. Ever since then I have been one of the few who enjoyed it in it's entirety. I haven't seen it since and figured I should give it another go seeing as how I am such a staunch supporter.

I watched both parts and the trailers, but have little to say about Planet Terror. I enjoyed it the first go around, and not much has changed for me. I thought it was successful, but not really my bag, cinematiclly speaking. My heart belongs to Death Proof. I remember being glued to my seat, filled with tension when I saw it in theaters. It just did it for me. I was shocked when I began to hear how much people disliked it. What follows is a collection of reasons why I enjoyed it.

One of the many problems people seem to have is with the dialogue in this film. Well, not just this film, but Tarantino films in general. I've heard something to the effect of he writes dialogue for women the way he wishes they spoke. The long spans of 4 women bullshitting in this film really bother some people. I happen to be fine with it. I don't see anything super unbelievable either. Maybe I am just such a hip and well crafted individual myself, that back and forth like that seems natural to me.

Another issue I encounter is with the fact that there are basically 2 different sets of protagonists. Again, I see no problem with this. I suppose people didn't like getting involved with a set of characters that die half way through the film. I also think they didn't appreciate getting 4 more broads shoved at them. I loved it though. The first 4 girls really grew on me. I was genuinely sad when they died. Their death scene was also one of the most amazing and disturbing things I have ever seen on film. It was inspired. Instead of being frustrated with the 2 seemingly separate plots, I found myself eager to meet the new girls. I enjoyed them as well.

I guess it may come down to my willingness to give myself over to this film. I was able to suspend disbelief rather easily. During the final car chase I was enthralled. When Zoe Bell was perched on the hood of the Charger, I was mesmerized and tense as hell. I'm probably the best case scenario for this film. Every emotion and feeling that Tarantino was looking to elicit, I felt. I felt a little bad for Stuntman Mike, but wanted him to get the shit kicked out of him. I wanted to hang out with Rosario Dawson. How could I not love this film? It has many of the things that I hold dear: Kurt Russell, strong female characters and Kurt Russell.

Watching Grindhouse as a whole again, I noticed all the little connecting pieces between the 2 films; the announcement of Jungle Julia's accident in Planet Terror, the Babysitter Twins and Dr. Dakota in Death Proof. I'm a sucker for stuff like that. My only issue is Rose McGowan. Sure Tarantino popped up in both films as different characters, but why did McGowan? It cheapened the whole inter-connectivity for me.

I'm curious as to how other people feel about Death Proof and Grindhouse as a whole.

Chaos

So I'm sticking to it. Every movie I watch will be blogged. Good... bad... or indifferent. Oh, Chaos you were so very very bad.

Let me break it down as simply as possible. Chaos is a retelling of Last House on the Left. I really don't know what else to say. There is no need to make a film that has the same basic plot as other films that already exist. It was tough to get through. Sure, the bad acting was entertaining. Soaking in all the laughable dialogue also passed the time. But when it came right down to it, nothing could resuscitate this worn out movie. If you aren't going to try and accomplish something different, what's the point? If I had any interest in reliving this story, I would just watch The Virgin Spring.

If you do decide to spend 74 nonrefundable minutes of your life with this film, make sure you stick it out till the end. The only thing that makes this Last House ripoff worth anything, is it's mind blowing conclusion. By mind blowing, I mean goofy, out of left field and down right unbelievable.

I also hate the term "brutal". In my travels I have found if something is referred to as "brutal", it most likely is not. Such a silly buzz word.

Splinter

I've decided to blog about every film I watch, good, bad or indifferent. So here it is, a mildly indifferent review of Splinter. I'm not using 'indifferent' with any negative connotations. It's just that the strengths and weaknesses of this film met in the middle and struck a balance, hence 'indifference'.

The problem is my inability to view any film with casual indifference. I am like a vulture, an annoying, talkative vulture. I just perch and wait for something to rub me the wrong way. Then, I swoop down and peck it to death. Most films aren't perfect, so I usually have some grievance. Any issues I have with this film are pulled from the carnivorous bird part and not the casual viewer. If I was capable of just letting myself sit down and enjoy a movie, I would give this an A. Alas...

This is a good flick. It is fun, creepy and very fast moving. It presented me with some truly interesting and disturbing visuals. In that sense, it was successful. I jumped, flinched, shrieked and thoroughly enjoyed myself. On the flip side, I cringed at the performance of Rachel Kerbs as Lacey. If the character was supposed to be unbearably annoying and totally unsympathetic, then they did an amazing job. I found the plot simplistic and predictable. There was also a handful of dialogue that came across totally laughable. In short, it's full of stereotypical characters and not super original. At the end of the day, it works.

Splinter wasn't trying to reinvent the wheel. It's a low budget horror film that avoids many of the pitfalls that others in it's genre get devoured by. It isn't clunky or silly. It delivers unsettling visuals and effectively exploits it's strengths. I just wish the story could have been meatier. Either way, it's a solid little film that I recommend. Plus, my mom really likes it.