Extra "Caesar" on the side please.

Written, directed and produced by genre multitask monster, Larry Cohen, 1973's Black Caesar (a remake of 1931's Little Caesar) was originally written with Sammy Davis Jr. in mind for the lead role. When that plan thankfully fell through, Fred "The Hammer" Williamson stepped in to play gangster and street entrepreneur, Tommy Gibbs.

We first meet Gibbs as a shoe shining teenager in a great scene that starts the film off…Gibbs shines a guys shoes, when a hit is attempted on the man, Gibbs holds his leg down keeping him from getting away so he could be murdered. Gibbs is paid by a mobster for a job well done, but has to deliver another payment to what turns out to be a racist, bad cop known as McKinney (Art Lund). McKinney thinks the young Gibbs stole a portion of the money, when Gibbs denies the accusations, McKinney procedes to beat the shit out of, and break the leg of the young Gibbs. From this moment, Gibbs vows to one day become "The Boss" of the criminal underworld, and the next time we see Gibbs, he is a dapper adult making a freelance hit for the mob to show them what he's got. The mob begrudgingly brings him into the fold and even gives him a block to control for himself, which is the jumping off point for Gibbs to move and shake his way up the criminal ladder, hoping to one day reach the top.

I've seen a slew of fantastic Blaxploitation movies over the past few years, and I can now happily add Black Caesar to that list of great films. Black Caesar was well received by critics, and was also one of the highest grossing films of the genre at the time. I can see why as it has a lot going for it as far as having some great genre people being a part of the film, from Cohen and Williamson, to Blaxploitation starlet Gloria Hendry, just to add even more genre credibility to the film.

Williamson is fantastic (and very greasy) as Tommy Gibbs, playing him on a ball hair thin line of good and bad. When he first starts out in the biz, he is so likable and as charming as can be, all while dealing with a lot of blatant racism, political and police corruption, all of which is a big motivator for the Gibbs character. You really root for Gibbs as he has so much going against him mostly due to the color of his skin. As Gibbs gets more and more powerful, he begins to get a little too big for his britches, and starts taking people around him for granted, while violently burning all of his bridges along the way. Eventually, this causes him to have no one left to turn to when trouble comes his way, he alienates all of those around him to the point that he is ultimately left alone, to fight the battles "he" initially started.


One of the other many standouts in Black Caesar is the awesome 70's Harlem locations. When the Harlem street scenes are shot; they are in a sort of vérité style that just really shows off all the characteristics that the city has. It truly is a character unto itself, and a beautiful one to look at I might add. Since I bring up the direction, I should add that while Black Caesar is at times a little rough around the edges, but at other times, it really is well done. Many different film making techniques are used, with some to good effect, and I really enjoyed how the montage scenes are handled in the film.

Along with the dope montages I loved so much, comes another aspect of the film that really sealed the deal for me…the music. Black Caesar has an amazing soundtrack done by James Brown and Fred Wesley, and similar to the Harlem setting I mentioned earlier, the music is an important character in the film and really adds to the overall feel and attitude that Black Caesar gives off as a movie. However, I did find the song "Mama's Dead" to be pretty fucking annoying, and is used one too many times, if you ask me. Nevertheless, outside of that stupid song, the music is worthy of a soundtrack purchase for sure, and if you're a fan of hip-hop, you will hear some familiar samples too. I know for the last few days since seeing Black Caesar, I have had "Paid the Cost to be the Boss" stuck in my head nonstop, and I feel much cooler than I actually am.

A few other things I liked about Black Caesar are some of the dialogue and how it's delivered, namely by The Hammer himself. One scene he shows up to an Italian restaurant and put's a severed ear in mob bosses spaghetti, the mob boss freaks out, and Gibbs replies with "Sauce looked like it needed a little more meat!" The scene where he comes into "possession" of said ear is great too, as Williamson delivers dialogue so perfectly and with a smudge of humor that I just loved. Another scene I loved, is when Gibbs has the upper hand on the mob, and when talking to the mob boss, he does so mockingly with a very funny Italian accent that is just great to hear Williamson deliver.

I will quickly bring up that I wish Black Caesar's villain McKinney, was in the movie a little more. He is one of the main antagonists from Gibbs childhood onto his adulthood and shows up from time to time, but seems to be more of a second thought in Black Caesar. Lund is a scary looking dude, he is a hair taller than Williamson (who is no slouch by any stretch), has this very Irish red face with piercing blue eyes, and hair so blond, it's almost white. Very intimidation presence indeed.

If Blaxploitation films are your bag, and you haven't seen Black Caesar then you need to get on that shit right away! Even if the genre isn’t your thing, Black Caesar is an action packed, violent romp, filled with great locations, dialogue, music, and it has Fred Williamson, one of the few men as insanely entertaining, likable, and conceited as the one and only Arnold Schwarzenegger. In addition, with a tagline like "Hail Caesar, Godfather of Harlem…The Cat with the .45-Caliber Claws!" I think it is worth giving it a shot.

Frenzy

I have come across many top Hitchcock lists. 1972's Frenzy seems to be a popular choice among fans. I have found myself immersed in his films from the 50's (Dial M For Murder, The Man How Knew Too Much, Vertigo) and snidely thinking to myself that this 72 flick would have nothing to offer me. This next paragraph is where I tell you I was wrong.

I guess I had yet to be exposed to the sleazy Hitch. Frenzy is my first brush with nudity, but this film had other characteristics that cause me to break out the sleaze terminology. The opening sequence of the film gives us a grand and sweeping view of London. It lulled me into a false sense of knowing what might come next. But as a nude female body washed ashore, the onlooking crowd exclaimed the necktie murderer had struck again and I checked everything I knew about Hitchcock at the door.

The plot isn't overly complex or twisty. Richard Blaney is a man framed for a series of violent murders. Amongst those raped and savagely strangled with stylish neckties are his ex wife and his current fling. The most complex frame job isn't really necessary as Blaney isn't the greatest guy. His sweaty and super sleazy produce selling pal Robert "Bob" Rusk happens to be the lover of forced intercourse and men's fashions. Bob finds it oh so convenient to cook up this little frame job so he can continue with his hobbies. Solid plot. I loved this film. I loved it for everything that was Hitchcockean and all the things that weren't.

The things that weren't typical Hitchcock weren't negative. Like I mentioned earlier, this film had a sleaze factor I have never encountered. Hitchcock has dealt with death, murders and bodies in most of his films (even the comedic The Trouble With Harry). Never before had I seen them be handled in such a visceral manner. The strangulation of Blaney's ex wife was filled with a palpable anger and aggression. As Bob rapes the woman the camera stays in close, focusing on her face, her naked breasts, her eyes. The nudity (even though it surprised me at first) was almost necessary to the scene. It added not only realism to the situation, but helped us connect with the victims helplessness and humiliation. The next murder is handled in a similar manner. After Bob murders Blaney's girlfriend (which we, the viewer, don't see) he disposes of her in an equally degrading manner; he stuffs her naked body in a potato sack. Once he has heaved the sack, heavy with spuds and corpses, onto a truck, Bob realizes he has left incriminating evidence on the body. The retrieval scene rivals the first rape for the top nasty and dirty spot. The girls lifeless body is filthy and smeared with potato dust as Bob violently breaks the fingers that have formed a death grip on her attackers possession.

The things that I (not so artfully) dub "not very Hitchcock", are very 70's. The unclean city, the sweaty, greasy men and the overall bleak feeling are things that are common in cinema of that era. I love the 70's. I love Hitchcock in the 70's.

Although all these "not very Hitchcock" things were present. There were some very familiar things that warmed my heart. The camera angles for one made me obscenely happy. The one I felt needed to be mentioned was the piece of film as the second murder was taking place. As I said, the viewer is not privy to the actual deed. Instead we are treated to an almost silent long shot as the camera descends a staircase. You don't have to see the murder to feel the hopelessness and disconnection. The lingering shot speaks volumes. Even the up close, in your face shots of the first murder are at once uncharacteristically exploitative yet also silently narrative.

Another aspect that made me squeal with Hitchcockean glee was the Inspector. Once again our tale receives a happy ending courtesy of a sly and clever man of the law (Dial M For Murder). It is the very likable Inspector that continues to investigate the murders even after Blaney is convicted.

I could go on and on about Frenzy. The more I write the more I think this film may end up on my top 5 list.

Now batting in the clean up spot....Blood Games!

While perusing the free movies section of my On-Demand thing a ma jig looking for something good and entertaining to watch, I stumbled upon a plot synopsis that immediately caught my attention. It read as follows…

"When an all girl baseball team beats a group of rowdy rednecks from a small town, they soon find themselves the prey in a deadly bounty hunt."

"Oh word?!" Now tell me that quick synopsis doesn't scream "WATCH ME NOW" the second you read it? Well, it did for me anyways, and that description of 1990's Blood Games (aka Baseball Bimbos in Hillbilly Hell!!) is pretty much the whole film in the smallest of nutshells…but of course there’s a little more meat to the film than the simple description given.

When the film starts out we are introduced to "Babe & the Ball Girls," an obviously all "babe" baseball team decked out is some very stimulatingly short slut cuts. While the organized babeball squad is playing a disgustingly unorganized group of hicks on the hick's home turf, I couldn't help but wonder why this game could ever possibly come together (but I dare not question a film with "female" short short‘s in it). It's the "Hot Chicks vs. The Hicks" in a knuckle biting game, where one guy comes up to plate drinking a beer (David Wells?), one guy says to the female teams catcher, "C'mon baby, let me show you my bat!" actually, I was surprised that line didn't work, since it's so romantic and all. The Ball Girls are layin' it on the sloppy hicks pretty good, which of course causes the male egos to swell and the boys begin to play a little rough with the girls. As one of the Babes rounds the bases, a dirty dog throws her a hard elbow, knocking her on her ass. However, the pitcher isn't gonna put up with that shit, and takes some revenge with a play I would describe as literal "base on balls." Hey, at least you got on base right?

With a devastating win of 17-2, the babes have worked up a nice little sweat, which means…SHOWER SCENE!! Now I should mention that overall, this is a pretty hot group of women, and Blood Games is not afraid to show them in all of their "Babe-ness," with some nice waterlogged lay-day back massages and conversations about yours truly (just let me pretend, okay?). During all of this incredible nude commotion, the girls find a peeper (so jealous) in the locker room with them, and of course lure him to a much-deserved smack down. After the girls give the perv a "nose period," we learn that the teams coach, and one of the girls father, "Midnight" (Ross Hagen) has made a $1,000.00 bet with the rival "Hicks" coach Mino Collins (Luke Shay), but Collins doesn't make good on the bet. So of course, the Babes coach, with gun in tow, goes to collect the cash owed to him, and ends up beating the dung out of the rival coach in a very sanitary bathroom stall.

While all of this action is happening, the rest of the "all yummy" team is on the bus ready to leave, when a few of the girls go to see if they can find the coach. Unfortunately, they run into a few of the drunken hicks (one of them being Collins son, Roy) that just happen to be out "looking to get some pussy" from the baseball beauties. Things escalate fast when the two dirt bags try to rape the girls, the coach shows up and is stabbed, and Collins son Roy is accidentally killed. This really pisses off Collins, and seeing that he is a man of power and wealth with heavy influence over the town, he offers a "G note" for every dead beauty to avenge his dead son. This is all when the movie takes a turn and becomes a dangerous cat and mouse chase between the girls, Collins, and his hired inbred thugs!

Now with Collins looking for revenge, things go a few different directions from this point and the girls have to face a few roadblocks put up by the Bad Boys, where they attack and try to stop the girls from leaving town. They make their way through these roadside attractions of doom, and eventually the girls end up having to abandon their bus and take to the woods to try to escape to safety on foot. Collins, who served in the Military, and is an accomplished hunter, begins hunting the girls down, and along with the rest of the hicks on their tail, these "princesses of pitch counts" are in for an even rougher day then they were already having.

For me, this is where Blood Games steps it up considerably, and really starts to get good. The first half of the film is good and a lot of fun at times, but when Blood Games gets into the woods, the tone changes and it becomes a Survivalist film in the vein of First Blood and Survival Quest. I just happen to love those movies and movies of that ilk; this is a very welcome turn with a whole lotta revenge, with a slight Slasher feel to it.

I enjoyed that Blood Games went back and forth between the men and the woman, you get the hicks and Collin's exacting revenge for Roy's death, but when the ladies can't take running anymore, they take a stand, fight back and take revenge on the men that have now killed and or raped a few of their friends…they are now forced to protect themselves out of necessity.

Overall, the movie was competently made; though it came out in 1990, Blood Games still has a strong sense of 80's about it. With some of the hick "wackiness!" and dramatically gripping nude scenes, Blood Games at times (more so the first act) skirts the line of having a cheesy feel to it, but it is very slight, and mostly the film takes itself seriously and I appreciated that about the movie. The technical aspects are decent, but as with the film itself, it picks up during the scenes in the woods. You get a lot of the action done in slow motion that looked aight, and the woods setting was cool, but got really cool in one of the better shot sequences of the film. When a deep fog begins to roll in and settle, the light from the sun breaks thought the trees, giving the fog and the woods a very nice atmospheric look, and just plain looked awesome to be honest with you.

Maybe the one issue with Blood Games I had is, I didn't know the difference between, or connect to any of the girls beyond thinking some of them were hot. That could have easily been me being a pig, or it could've been the girls weren't fleshed out enough. But in Blood Games defense, it does have many female characters to follow being it is a baseball team and all, so that could be a big factor too.

Since the director Tanya Rosenberg suspiciously only has one credit to her name on IMDB, rumors are that the film was actually directed by a male that probably wanted to avoid possible feminist backlash. Blood Games does have a ton of female nudity in it, has a rough rape scene, and it's definitely exploitative towards the women. However, the female characters are also very strong, independent, and are banded together especially in the face of danger, so it works on two levels and pretty well too.

Blood Games unfortunately is not out on DVD at the moment (and I even had a real tough time finding quality picture from the movie), but hopefully down the road some company picks it up and puts it out. Until then it is available for about another month on cable On-Demand under the free movies section (in HD people!), and I'm sure with a search you could find the whole film for your viewing pleasure if you don't mind watching something on your computer. If you do have the means to check out the film then I would say do so, Blood Games is a solid, well made movie that can appeal to genre fans looking for an Exploitation film that doesn't look like one on the surface.

I got my bat and balls...I'm off to take a shower.

"You can't piss on hospitality…I WON’T ALLOW IT!!"

The Waits family goes on vacation to the small rural town of Nilbog, for a nice little getaway from the hectic life of the big city. Joshua, the younger of the two Waits children, quickly figures out that Nilbog is no ordinary town, but a town filled with Goblins!! Goblins that love vegetables (and probably seltzer water too) and even more so, love turning "HUMANS" into vegetables, vegetables for them to eat! Joshua figures all of this out, mostly because his dead Grandpa Seth's voyeuristic floating head warns him of the impending danger, and of course it is confirmed when Joshua realizes that the name of the town Nilbog, IS Goblin spelled backwards! Now, it's a race against time as Joshua, armed with a double-decker bologna sandwich, takes to his skateboard to try and stop a mad witch who is behind it all, and at the same time, keep him, and his family safe from becoming vegetable soup. Blech, vegetables...yuck!

As you may have guessed, I have some pretty epic love for the 1990 mega blockbuster known as Troll 2, an in name only sequel to the 1986 film Troll, Troll 2 is known by many as the "worst film of all time," a film that actually boasts the nickname "Best Worst Movie," and spent some time at the #1 spot for worst movie ever on IMDB. Directed by Claudio Fragasso under the alias Drake Floyd, Troll 2 found its way into my heart sometime in early 06' when it had a nice run on Encore for a few months. I remember being surprised that someone made a Troll 2 and I had never known about it, and I kinda liked the first one when I was little, so I guess I'll give this a watch…

Oh My God!! was I not ready for what was ahead of me at this point, a film that has Trolls that aren't even Trolls at all…they're Goblins! And shitty looking Goblins at that! A film with acting so atrocious, that you can't help but throw up blood from laughing so hard every time a character delivers a line of dialogue. A film with a hot young daughter in Holly Waits, a truly independent woman that isn't afraid to speak her mind, and is always workin' hard on dat body with free weights and a hardcore Jazz routine. A mother who speaks like a ghost and always looks like someone missed, and slipped it into the wrong hole. A father, filled with a strong work ethic, and sage like proverbs, a man who trully can enjoy the simple things in life, like hospitality, and piss free food. Then there's the rebel Joshua, a boy who refuses to conform to the deliciousness of ice cream, someone who when rollin' deep with Grandpa Seth, has no problem with throwing a little fuel on the fire! The kind of fire that burns men with big, funny looking, fire proof hands! This is the type of film where corn on the cob, gets turned into "corn IN the cob," in one of the CORNiest sex scenes to ever be put to celluloid.

I could go on and on about the things that are great about Troll 2, but my intention is more to show how much love I have for the movie, and I would have to take an educated guess and say that I'm probably not the only one that took notice, of the"power and intensity" of Troll 2 at this time either. With a current IMDB rating of 1.9, Troll 2 has captivated many a filmgoer over the past few years with its bad…well…bad everything to be honest with you. This is the kind of bad though that really transcends the Independance Day's, and Superman 3's of the world, the kind that has lines just as quotable as the Godfather films…but for completely opposite reasons. This is a film that went from "worst film ever" obscurity, to "Best Worst Movie" popularity in less than a year's time. A movie that has "spread like an infectious disease" and nowadays has a handful of fan sites including its own official Troll 2 fan-site (which my fiance and I are proud members of!) with 165,670 members to date.

The fan-site was partially spearheaded by Michael Paul Stephenson who played Joshua Waits, the anti-hero of Troll 2, who at one time was embarrassed by the film, but over the years has learned to embrace it, and even make a bit of a living out of being in the worst movie ever put to film. Stephenson now has a documentary about Troll 2 that back in March made its world premier at the SXSW Film Festival, and is also the inspiration for my focus on the topic at hand.

Best Worst Movie is directed by Joshua himself, Michael Paul Stephenson, and it is really a passion project for him, and a documentary that is also made for the fans. It covers the whole kitten kaboodle of Troll 2, from behind the scenes interviews about the making of the film, and stories from the set about the "weird Italian foreigners" that came to town to make the movie…to the sudden surge in popularity, and the effect it has had on two of the films stars. Stephenson focuses on himself, and his co-star, and real life dentist George Hardy who plays Michael Waits, father of Joshua and rock of the Waits family. Another aspect that Stephenson focuses on is how Troll 2 went from virtually unknown, to a cult film that now has a legion of fans that participate in all things Troll 2, such as hysterical homemade videos, songs, and fan made posters. A movie that now has t-shirts with the word Goblin on the front and Nilbog on the back, with film screenings and conventions attended by some of the cast and crew, which gives fans from all over the chance to meet them, and watch the much loved film on the big screen. This popularity has spawned fans throwing Troll 2 parties where a rowdy (probably drunk) group of friends get together to watch the film, but the catch is you have to bring something green to eat if you want to attend.

Unfortunately, no DVD release date for the film has been set as of yet, but Best Worst Movie has started its festival run and has already gotten a lot of positive reviews, saying that it's the type of documentary that transcends the fan boy element and finds some heart in its subject matter for the viewer to warm up and hold onto(awww!). I am eagerly awaiting seeing this movie for myself, as a fan of the subject matter and a big fan of documentaries…especially documentaries about movies. So in closing, if you have not been witness to the horror masterpiece known as Troll 2, then get to it, or you will miss all that heavenly glory. And while you're at it, keep your eyes peeled for Best Worst Movie if it makes its way into your town…just be weary of any green foods with the words "Eat Up" on them.

So you have one less clickity click, here is the Best Worst Movie preview for easy consumption!

A "Nightmare" of a remake, or not?

Being that I’m a HUGE fan of A Nightmare on Elm Street, and indifferent about remakes, reboots, re-wipes or whatever they may be called at any given moment, I am pretty excited about once again seeing one of my all time favorite horror characters brought back to celluloid in the upcoming Nightmare remake.

My thoughts on remakes are as follows:

I (for the most part) hate, dumb downed remakes of foreign films brought to American audiences. Why can’t we just have the opportunity to see these amazing films on the big screen? Sadly, it is probably due to subtitles, aka "I don‘t go to the movies to read!" Hollywood also seems to thinks that all of the American audience is too stupid to understand different cultures. Usually changes are made to these films to make them more accessible, and easy to digest for U.S. audiences, which just shows you what Hollywood thinks about the average moviegoer. Sadly, Hollywood might not be wrong, and I thought after movies like Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, Pans Labyrinth, and other films of that nature, that things could change…but they haven't. Unfortunately, we genre fans are the ones left to suffer.

Now when it comes to remakes of "classic" horror films, I don’t mind quite as much, mostly because I can always watch the original if the remake is shit. There is no possible way, that a bad remake can take anything away from a film that I have loved and adored for many years. However, if by some chance, the remake is a good one, then that is just a bonus for me, and the opportunity to see an iconic horror character making it back to the big screen again. I am much more apt to watch a remake of this nature, then I would a remake along the lines of my previous paragraph.

So with all of that out of the way, I look forward to seeing what will be done with the Nightmare remake, and I think the recent casting of Jack Earle Haley as the "Man Of Your Dreams" Freddy Krueger is a great choice. I know that many genre fans are divided by this casting, but I can blame that partially on fan boys (and girls) that would not be happy with any one short of the great Robert Englund himself…and trust me, I fully understand why. He is Freddy Krueger, and to see someone else play the role would be weird of course, but if Englund were cast as Freddy again, there would be no point to a remake in the first place (and I'm sure for some, THAT IS the point), you would have "A Nightmare on Elm Street 7: Freddy's NOT Dead?" That's not happening anytime soon, that era is over, and has been for a long time. I think it's awesome that we at least got one more outta Englund with "Freddy VS Jason," and hopefully some time down the road we'll get another FVJ. But these remakes aren't really made for "us," they're made for the biggest audience possible. An audience that is getting younger and younger by the day, and an audience that could give two shits who plays Freddy Krueger, let alone care if it's Robert Englund or not. That's the unfortunate truth.

I remember some of the "rumored" actors that were thought to possibly play Mr. Krueger over the past year or so, and some of them were pretty interesting rumors if you ask me. The first one I remember hearing about was Billy Bob Thornton. BBT is a fantastic actor and in my opinion would make a great Freddy, he has a creepy face and already fits the child molester look. Now while I thought he would be great, I knew there was no way that this was going to come to fruition…BBT is pretty old now, and the chances of getting him to sign up for more than one film was slim to none. Even with all of this said, some folks really seemed to think that he was actually going to play the role for a little while, and that really surprised me.

The other actor rumored to don the Krueger glove for a little while was Ben Foster. Foster has the right look to play Freddy, mostly because he looks pretty similar to Freddy in some ways, and would be a great fit as Krueger in that sense. His child molester level isn't as high as BBT, but he does look like one quite a bit, and I actually thought he was going to get the part for a little while, but I'm glad he didn't. I think Foster kinda sucks as an actor, having seen him in the amazing Alan Ball TV show Six Feet Under, where he was just "mediocre" at best. But even worse was his turn in movies like X-3, and (even more so) in the vampire opus 30 Days of Night, where he fucking blew, period.

However, with the recent news of Jack Earle Haley officially getting the role as Krueger, I found myself very relieved and happy with the choice that has been made in casting the actor. Haley is about as "non-Hollywood" as it gets, and I think he is a surprise pick since he doesn't exactly have the most marketable face, but he does have a scary one. He also has some very solid acting chops as seen in one of Watchmen's best performances as another iconic character, Rorschach. Haley was able to pull off a tight version of the Rorschach voice, so he sure as hell could pull off the Freddy voice, so long as he makes it his own. And what about his look? Well come on! The dude is straight up creepy looking, no doubt about it, and his child molester level is at least a 9.8 on the proverbial rickter scale. You know that creepy rapist guy that lives in your neighborhood? Ya know, the one that drives the airbrushed heavy metal van? Haley is the guy that rapes HIM! The biggest deciding factor for me though, is I hope Haley has the same revolutionary rap skills that Robert Englund brought to the streets of Springwood back in the day...we'll see.

Haley should have no problem pulling the role of Freddy Krueger off in my opinion, and I hope the Nightmare remake turns out great, as I am more than happy with Haley's casting. Probably the biggest question for me, is can music video director Samuel Bayer can pull off making an awesome Nightmare film? Maybe bring something fresh and new to the Nightmare mythos? That remains to be seen, and I sure hope he can since I hold the whole Nightmare series, good or bad, in high regard. Now my question to you, dear sweet reader is, do you think I am wrong in being happy with this casting? If so, who would you like to see play Freddy if you had the choice? On the other hand, are you completely against the remake no matter what? I’m sure the responses will be mixed, but that is what makes talking about movies fun, right?

One more thing folks, I was looking for pics for this blog thingy here, I clicked on a picture that I thought would be great for the top of this page and I stumbled upon this Blog. I couldn't fucking believe it...even the title is similar! What are the chances? I think there's some witchcraft going on around here...

Abre los Ojos

When I saw Vanilla Sky 6 years ago, I must admit, I fell in love with it. Then I found out it was a remake of a 1997 Spanish language film, Abre los Ojos. Its remake status made me question my adoration, but I had still enjoyed it, so no harm no fowl. In the 6 years that has followed, I have seen countless movies that I have enjoyed more. So many, dare I say better, movies have entered my life that Vanilla Sky doesn't even appear on the radar. I just saw Abre los Ojos.

I fuckin hate Vanilla Sky.

When I became aware that Vanilla Sky was a remake I had no idea it was a shot for shot remake. Had I known that, I don't think my young little mind could have wrapped around it. The fact that a film from 1997 was being remade was hard enough for me to grasp. Funny how common that has become... I digress as my Let the Right One In and [REC] rage begins to build. Now I am left screaming to the heavens to make sense of it all. Vanilla Sky didn't have to be made! Sure, it had Kurt Russell (and that was an excellent casting choice) and Jason Lee. But Penelope Cruz played the same character in both for Christ's sake! What is the point of that? Slap subtitles on the original and ship it off to the US! But then Tom Cruise wouldn't have been able to collect a paycheck.

The two films didn't just look the same and follow the same plot, they felt the same. I'm unsure if I should commend Vanilla Sky's filmmakers or if that should make me more disdainful. I think I'm going to side with disdain seeing as how the identical vibes make the remake even more pointless.

I haven't seen Vanilla Sky in a handful of years so I can't really be as critical as I'd like to. I believe the films have slightly different endings. Even if that is so, their similarities are so striking it's like watching the same film twice. Remakes are infuriating when nothing is expanded upon and no one involved feels the need to make it their own.

Abre los Ojos is a beautiful film that chronicles the deterioration of a recently disfigured man. The story explores his growing desperation, madness and the confusion within himself and the world around him. Every scene change leaves you wondering what's real and questioning whether the protagonist is a reliable narrator. If you want to see Vanilla Sky, watch this instead. You get the same story with less Cruise.

"BANNED IN 37 COUNTRIES!!" Here is "my" top 5 Shocking Scenes list

Inspired by the "uber" sex kitten known as Dylan recently doing his own top 5 Shocking Scenes list, I figured, why not throw together my own top 5 list of shocking moments for shits and giggles? I could just as easily make this a top 20 list as it's hard to narrow it down, but I'm sure you don't have all day. So I'll begrudgingly keep my list to a nice concise, no particular order, "Top 5" that could very easily change depending on my mood, and or, my drunkenness. All of these scenes that I picked either, A) Scared the fucking hair off my balls as a kid. (not that I had any yet) B) Stand the test of time. C) Are just plain friggin insane! Or D) All the above.
Enjoy!

1. Zombie - Money shot in the eye piece

In what may be the most satisfying of all the "splinter in the eye" scenes lensed by horror maestro Lucio Fulci, 1979's Zombie (aka Zombie 2) has a lot of satisfying elements. But for me, the most memorable and "shocking" scene has to be the eye gouging of a wonderfully wet female character, via a splintered piece of wood. The scene effectively moves at a nice slow pace, as the character struggles to shut, and block off a door that a hungry Zombie is trying to make its way through. The wood blinds begin to splinter on the door as the girl gets "conveniently" too close for comfort, the Zombie suddenly grabs her by the hair, and slowly pulls her towards the splintered wood. It is a very well filmed scene, the actual eye ball gouging is pretty sick looking, and every time I see it, I still cringe.



2. Tourist Trap - Being turned into a mannequin

1979's Tourist Trap scared the living daylights outta me as a kid…it caused me to have a bit of a mannequin phobia for many years, and kept me from ever watching The Rifleman again too. Chuck Conner's plays Mr. Slausen, a telekinetic who runs a road side museum filled with creepy, strange looking mannequins. In one of the most frightening scenes, we see a female character is tied down to what looks like a work bench. The Mr. Slausen character, who is dressed up in a sort of Abe Lincoln outfit and mask, proceeds to cover her face up in plaster (not THAT kind of plaster you perv!) while telling her how she will not die from suffocation, but from her heart exploding!! From fear and shock!! Hollywood isn't here to save you this time, sucker!



3. Deadly Friend - Kristy Swanson plays Harlem Globe Trotters with old ladies head!

In what is not a really scary scene per say, 1986's Wes Craven classic (!) Deadly Friend most certainly has one of the strangest, and funniest best shocking scenes I have ever seen. Swanson plays a little "one on one" with the neighborhoods standard crotchety old lady. Things start to heat up when Swanson makes a nice steal, then a devastating pass, and throws the basketball right through the old bitches head!! The old woman just stumbles around for a minute, blood gushing out of her stump, arms flopping around, it is just an amazing sight indeed. Also teaches you the ultimate lesson…No one fucks with the Goonies, you headless fool!



4. Hellraiser - Uncle Frank rises from the floor boards

One of my all time favorite horror films, 1987's Hellraiser has a ton of incredibly powerful and "shocking" imagery that can be found through out the film. The most powerful and shocking for me, would very easily have to be when Larry cuts his hand while moving, and goes into the room that his brother, and sweaty sex machine Frank, had died beforehand without Larry's knowledge. A small drop of blood falls to the floor, which causes Frank to rise back to life in an almost backwards capacity. In what may be one of the most visceral scenes put to film, Frank slowly regenerates from the floor, as muscle and tissue rebuild in a very painful way. Even worse, is Frank is reborn with no skin on his body whatsoever!! The scene hasn't really aged all that well due to the FX, but it still has some pretty cool moments and is thoroughly enjoyable to watch either way.

I had a tough time finding a video, so here's the trailer instead...sorry.



5. A Nightmare On Elm Street - Tina gets fucked...in more ways than one

With another entry on this list from the one and only Wes Craven, 1984's A Nightmare On Elm Street actually has two awesomely shocking moments. The one I'm going with is a three way gone horribly wrong. When Tina catches a well deserved pounding from her man Rod Lane (what a name!!), and Instead of some nice after sex cuddling, Tina gets a little more attention than she asked for…from an invisible Freddy Krueger! As her tighty whities wearing, pussy boyfriend hides in the corner, Tina gets mauled as you see her stomach get slashed open, and from there she is dragged up and around the walls and ceiling, leaving behind some nice crimson art for forensics to enjoy. Even now the scene really stands up, and the simple camera tricks do not look dated in any way...this was, and still most certainly is, a very effective "shocking scene."



So I hope you all enjoyed my list, and I'm really glad Sir. Dylan of Beardliness did his Top 5 Shocking list, as I had a very good time putting this list together myself. In fact I liked doing it so much, that my next few blogs will be titled as follows…"Top 5 Even More Shocking Scenes" "Top 5 Mostest Shocking Scenes" And, "Top 5 Shocking To The Oldies: The Shockining."
Toodles!

Kiss Napoleon Goodbye (1990)

Kiss Napoleon Goodbye is a film that is iconic and esoteric all at once. This duality was first revealed to me in the fact that Kiss Napoleon Goodbye has Henry Rollins on the cover cheek to cheek with Lydia Lunch. Well everyone knows Rollins right? Ala Black Flag, Rollins Band, Lost Highway and/or one of those Jackass Movies? In contrast not everyone knows who Lydia Lunch is Ala Teenage Jesus & the Jerks, No Wave legend, Kill Your Idols (if you do congratulations, you get some kind of hipster award that involves a fixed-gear bicycle, tattoos and an apartment in Green point.)

The puzzle which is KNGB begins to open like that Hellraiser Rubik's cube. As I began to read the back of the DVD case I realized that it was filmed in a former residence of Napoleon (you know the little guy with his hand in his coat.) This is not that strange on the surface, but can you imagine America allowing the Clash to film at Thomas Jefferson's Monticello? It would be awesome, but quite unlikely.



The basic plot is Hedda (Lydia Lunch) and her beau, Neal (Don Bajema) seclude themselves in this castle of a house in the Netherlands. Hedda and Neal are expecting a baby, but for some reason Hedda invites an old friend Jackson (Henry Rollins) to stay with them. Hedda's motivation is a kind of lusty loyalty to an old flame. Neal does not think this is a good idea to say the least. Neal spirals into a full schizophrenic episode, including heavy drinking and stalking of Hedda. To compound the problem, the house in which this trio are staying seems to have a life of its own, doors close trapping Neal inside, while Jackson and Hedda dry hump against a tree in a secluded grove. The history of the house including a very handsome Louis Napoleon runs parallel in flashes, at one point there is a maid coming down an elevator, later Napoleon confesses his love for this maid but their love does not come to fruition. The plot of Hedda, Jackson and Neal unfolds to reveal dead dogs, performance art public urination, miscarriages and everything that you would expect from such an odious bunch.

To put it simply, this weekend does not go well for this love triangle, Jackson and Neal fight, blood is shed and the house reveals fragmented artful and at time horrendous images that reveal a larger more cerebral subtext. Despite this density of meaning, Kiss Napoleon Goodbye is quite short clocking in at a little over half an hour. After it was done, I began to think how the hell did they ever shoot this in a historical landmark? Art supersedes the Protestant/Calvinist nature of the Netherlands I suppose. Kiss Napoleon Goodbye was a commissioned art-project by Els Hoek, which premiered in The Netherlands in 1990 and The Berlin Festival in 1991.



This explained alot for me, for the music was an atonal kind of burning violin sounding thing scored by JG Thirwell (another of the Boston Phoeneix's most influential musician of the 1990's.) This commissioned art-project status also explains why the soundtrack was actually quite sophisticated for it did not seem that it was created by some stoners jamming on improvised ramblings. While I was watching I also remember thinking the director of photography was not to shabby as well, despite the low budget, VHS transfer, high keyed appearance of KNGB. I began to remember reading that Kiss Napoleon... was shot by Mike Kuchar of the influential underground pioneers The Kuchar Brothers. In addition, the script was strange, complex and surreal, written and directed by Babeth and Lydia Lunch themselves. All in all Kiss Napoleon Goodbye is challenging, with a legendary cast and crew, existing in a artistic purgatory between low and high art.

In addition to this film the DVD also features some performance art by Lydia Lunch, including Paradoxia, A Predator's Diary and It's a Man's World. These performances are largely about Lydia experiences with domesticity and familial horror. To find out more about this film and other fringe gems please visit www.cultepics.com for more info.

The Hitchcock Extravaganza

I have developed quite the cinematic preoccupation as of late. Over the last 2 weeks I have only watched Hitchcock films. I think it is doing something to my brain.

There are roughly 15 films available for instant watch at netflix and Alfred Hitchcock Presents seasons 1-3. Most recently I have watched The Trouble With Harry, Torn Curtain, The Man Who Knew Too Much, and Dial 'M' For Murder. Here are some brief thoughts on each.

The Trouble With Harry - This is one of the most intelligent, witty and sarcastic pieces of film making I have ever laid eyes on.

Torn Curtain - I'm hoping to do a more in depth piece on this in the future. Torn Curtain is far from my favorite Hitchcock film, but it possesses some attributes that really won my heart. Paul Newman is perfection and Julie Andrews is well... on screen too...

The Man Who Knew Too Much(1956) - Be still my heart; Jimmy Stewart and Doris Day! Now this is one of my favorites in the Hitchcock catalog. Great performances and illuminating usage of orchestral music. The story is top notch. It's a classic slow burn Hitchcock with bucket loads of twists and turns.

Dial 'M' For Murder - I think it goes without saying that this version is way better than the Michael Douglas joint. So clever and dated in the best possible way.

Other titles worth noting that are instant watch: Psycho, The Birds (my all time fav), Marnie, Frenzy, Vertigo and Strangers on a Train (another must see). If you have netflix, watch em! I'd love to hear other peoples thoughts and favorites.

No mo bootleg for me!

I think it's time to open the champagne…for I'll take an educated guess, and say that I'm not the only Horror fan super exited by the news of 1986's Night of the Creeps "finally" coming out on DVD!!! It has certainly been a long time coming, and for all of these years, fans (myself included) have only been able to get the cult classic in the form of bootlegs at conventions, or be lucky enough to catch an HD upgrade of the film randomly on movie channels.

Here's the story on meth…

A frozen Alien parasite that came to earth in the 1950's is thawed out by a couple of wanna be frat boys while pledging a fraternity. The parasite, in the form of some grody looking slugs, begins to make their rounds at the college campus, taking over the students minds therefore turning them in to Zombies!! Out to put a stop to all of this shenanigans is Detective Ray Cameron, (kick ass Mr. Tom Atkins himself!) along with flame thrower wielding student Chris "Romero," (Jason Lively) and his girlfriend Cynthia "Cronenberg." (Jill Whitlow)

Night of the Creeps is being worked on by Fred Dekker who directed another cult classic The Monster Squad, which also came out on DVD not all that long ago after being well over due. The Night of the Creeps DVD is in production right at this very moment, and will be a Directors cut with the original ending, along with having a ton of extras. (which I think is what I am looking forward to the most) The Monster Squad special Edition had a nice amount of extras on it and I don’t think Dekker and co. will disappoint with the Creeps release either.

It sounds like the DVD will be out sometime in October of this year, and being this movie does have such a huge cult following, with fans that have been clamoring for this to make it to DVD for years, this truly is great news. While only having the option to own Creeps on DVD by "less than legal" means, it will be very cool to finally own a nice "real" release of this awesome film. Even though it's still early, this is probably one of the biggest genre DVD release announcement’s for 2009, and I'm sure I will not be the only one picking up a copy of the (hopefully) extras laden Special Edition the day it makes it to store shelves…and I can honestly say, that I am psyched and can’t wait for it!!

Here's the trailer just in case you forgot how great (Tom Atkins' mustache is) Night of the Creeps is...