Photos of Gioia make me DELIRIOUS!

One of the best ways you can start off a film (for me at least), is with an opening credit sequence comprised of a nude fashion photo montage of the immensely beautiful and very…umm…should I say, healthy, Serena Grandi. Well, that is exactly the opening gift given to me in the 1987 Giallo, Delirium: Photo of Gioia (aka Le Foto di Gioia).

Directed by Lamberto Bava, Delirium goes from nude opening to nude photo shoot in a backyard pool for fashion and soft-core porn magazine, "Pussycat" which is published by one time nude model herself, Gloria (Gioia) played by the before mentioned Euro-sexpot, Serena Grandi. We are introduced to a bulk of the supporting characters and/or victims, and/or red herrings. You have Gloria's brother, Tony (Vanni Corbellini), the stereotypically (?) same sex fashion photog, Roberto (David Brandon), and Gloria's assistant, Evelyn (Daria Nicolodi). Most notable of the introductory characters is Gloria's paralyzed from the dong down, wheelchair rollin' neighbor, Mark (Karl Zinny). It is made immediately clear that Mark, in all his four wheel glory, is completely obsessed with Gloria (I don't blame him either) as he continuously calls her and makes reference to pulling his lifeless pud. Barf.

After the photo shoot and later into the evening at Gloria's (where the shoot took place), we are subject to our first death scene. Starting normally enough with a Giallo/Slasher styled POV shot leading to the first fashion model/murder victim, who is dispensed of in a semi-satisfying "fashion" (we'll come back to this later). In a scene that is very reminiscent of Rear Window, Gloria's crippled neighbor Mark happens to witness the murder and calls Gloria to warn her of what is going on in her own backyard. Gloria is not too happy with Mark when she checks out the scene and there is nothing to be found due to our antagonist having already taken the freshly brewed female corpse away, so he/she can pose and then photograph the victim in front of a huge wall-sized picture of Gloria.

Gloria and company, who still don't know about the dead model, receive a manila envelope at the Pussycat Magazine headquarters containing the pictures that were taken of the female "fashion victim" from the other evening. As it turns out, the model just so happens to be this months Pussycat cover girl, therefore making it the best selling issue thus far as it flies off the stands due to its recently deceased cover model. This gives us a solid and very possible motivation for Gloria to be behind the murder, as one would expect she would do anything to make the magazine that she is so invested in, be a huge success. But does "anything" mean murder?

Over the course of Delirium, you are subject to a few more deaths of a similar nature to the first victim and get to meet a few new characters here and there that could make for possible murder suspects. Most notably would have to be rival magazine publisher, Flora (Capucine), who is trying to get Gloria to sell Pussycat Magazine to her and just so happens to have a "thing" for Gloria (and I don't blame her either), who has no interest whatsoever. Another important character isn't necessarily an important character so much, as he is more of an important sorta cameo if you will. That would of course have to be, Mr. Iron Master himself…George Eastman. Eastman brings a certain sense of swamp-ass to every role he plays and when he first appears on screen, he is fittingly wearing a sort of barbarian/warrior outfit…and I would have it no other way! Unfortunately, Eastman is just a throw away character brought in to be a possible suspect and as a "friend with bonefits," he's mainly there to toss a high hard one in Gloria from time to time.


Now, with all of these characters, it is of course difficult to figure out whom the killer could be, but that doesn't mean Delirium is a brilliant, well thought out whodunit or anything. I'm sure if I went back and watched it again, I wouldn't see any real clues pointing to who the killer turns out to be in the end. All of the characters seem like they could be behind it with the silly "ohh…look at me, I'm shady like a tree!" faces they make and others suspects are heavily forced upon the viewer, like Flora and the maybe not so crippled Mark for example. Therefore, by the end of Delirium, it could easily be anybody behind the model murders….its whom they decide to reveal in the end, that is the surprise.

Some of the more stand out aspects of Delirium are the stalk and slash murder sequences. When the killer sees their victims, he/she sees a sort of acid induced kaleidoscope of colors, followed by the victims having very odd deformities involving their heads and faces. One girl had an appearance much like a bee's head and another was a Cyclops (!) with a giant eyeball smack dab in the middle of her face and veins all running down the sides of her neck and head. It is fucking weird to be honest, but I liked the effort to try and do something original and creative. It also gives you a chance to use your noggin a little and internally debate, or guess why the killer may see things this way. Is it possible that the psycho is sick in the head and just sees people this way, therefore feeling the need to kill, or stop the monsters he/she sees in place of the beautiful women? On the other hand, by projecting these horrid visages upon the helpless victims is a possible way of turning them into a monster, thus a way for the antagonist to disconnect them self from the humanity of the victims he/she is going to murder? A sort of defense mechanism for the conscience if you will.


These theories are fun and all and I appreciate Delirium inspiring some thought, but that doesn't change the fact that the movie has almost no blood and even worse, a scarce amount of murders! I mean, when I go into a Giallo, I expect to see a wealth of blood and some creative, stylish death scenes. One of the kills was pretty dope when the "Bee head" chick gets a swarm of Wu Tang Killa bees unleashed on her, and I do think it's pretty cool how the girls are posed post death for some seriously voyeuristic photographs. BUT I WANT MORE DAMN IT!! And I expect more…and I'm not wrong for it either.

Delirium does however deliver on the ladies and in spades! One of the better things about Delirium for me has to be Serena Grandi as Gloria. She completely "fills" the screen with a presence and beauty that very few can mirror and she is enough to keep me captivated for a good majority of the film. Grandi is a "big" reason for me enjoying Delirium as much as I did and it's not just her very often shown breasts that got me either…though Grandi is a very fitting name, as her "Partons" are more than large enough to provide at least two kinds of milk. Not that I noticed or anything...


Being that Lamberto Bava is the son of master filmmaker and break-dance enthusiast, Mario Bava, and also an apprentice of both his father and one Dario Argento, a lot of people give him a hard time for not being an overly original director, but one that's films are very similar to papa Bava and Dario. I wouldn't disagree that his style and ideas are similar to those "master" filmmakers, but Lamberto did learn from them both and who better to emulate than directors like Mario Bava and early Argento (who was once attached to direct Delirium)? With that said, Delirium is at times visually very nice looking and even better at a few key moments here and there throughout the film, with a lot of awesome overhead/crane shots, and one towards the end that really caught my eye was a top down shot that follows a walking character for a long moment. Another was a cool shot through the bottom of a glass table, that is focused on a character playing solitaire or something along those lines. There is also a cool looking steady cam shot foot-chase sequence at the end of Delirium that was done with some pizazz.

Now, to add to the negative category for Delirium, the Simon Boswell score is some of his lesser work with overall traditional Giallo styled music, that unfortunately is not always well done and a tad annoying sometimes. Towards the end of the film there's a few musical moments that I kinda enjoyed (or maybe I got used to it), but overall the score was weak and a smidge intrusive…maybe a second viewing would change that though.


Delirium for the most part feels like a typical Giallo in many ways with its setting, whodunit, and the beautiful women and abundance of breasts. However, Delirium has some creativity with the killer's mental projection of what the victims look like to him/her, and the deaths along with the photo ops are interesting enough. Too bad they didn't toss in a few more though; I am very disappointed in the one handful body count and the nonexistence of blood throughout the film. Surprisingly, that did not make me hate this movie at all, and that could very easily have happened with a lesser film. Delirium is by no means a classic of the genre, but it is definitely a very solid second tier Giallo that any mid-level horror/genre fan should check out for sure. I actually bought this film for a nice price, and I am glad I own it, as I plan to watch it again in the far future.

Wrapping things up, Delirium has taken a beating from some of the films stars (namely Daria Nicolodi and Eastman respectively) and in a very strange Delirium DVD extra, I found something interesting that kinda sums the entire film up in one sentence. The (always a favorite) "written" behind the scenes extra opens with saying that "Delirium is not a classic, but it is a darn good Giallo which for some reason has a worse reputation than it deserves." I commend the honesty and find that statement to be very true about the film as Delirium is a worthwhile watch and a movie I can recommend to any fan of big knockers.

Your mom watches TV.

I'm finding more and more over the past few years that film is really starting to get some seriously proper treatment on television, namely cable television, but television nonetheless. When I was a kid, I watched and usually taped any cool horror movies that I found on cable since due to my young age, I had no other way to watch these films. Those are some fond memories of course and that was really my only chance of sneaking a "bad movie" past ma dukes which was kinda fun in a bad kid kind of way. But since I've had the power to control my own VHS (and eventually DVD) purchases and rentals, I lost the love for watching movies on cable. But over the years I have noticed a trend, things have gotten much better in many ways for movies on TV, especially if you have decent digital cable and even more great, is if you have HD capability.

One of the biggest components that had hurt cable movie watching for me is the most obvious one…censorship. "Flip You!" is funny as "flipping snot," but at times it can get pretty annoying and take you right out of a film. Of course, violence, gore, boobies, and any sort of sex are dropped for bad edits and/or strange commercial break choices that can really throw off the rhythm of a good movie. And oh, those wonderful commercial breaks, an issue as equally bad as censorship when it comes to cable movie viewing. I HATE commercials and I can probably blame that on a short attention span (or crystal meth), but I just cannot leave commercials on…no matter what I'm watching.

Now even getting passed commercials and the censorship issues, over the past decade home theater technology has hit amazing heights of…amazingness? Starting with how great DVD looked compared to VHS, moving on to TVs becoming better and better every year. Why would you want to watch a movie on cable when it will just look…mediocre? Especially when you could watch a DVD that looks clean and crisp, and having the choice to change the audio to fit your taste and the set up you may have. Plus, you can pause DVDs, rewind and fast forward wicked fast if need be and just pop the movie in whenever you feel like.

The answer to the censorship and commercial problem has come in the form of digital cable channels such as, Sundance, IFC, FIVE (!) different Encore channels, and my personal favorite…Retroplex. All of these channels show some great films that are uncensored, commercial free, and sometimes are even director's cuts of movies! I was very surprised once to see on IFC, the original Director's cut of Mallrats. Park Chan-Wook films make rounds on some of these channels from time to time and you can often find the not yet released to DVD "complete" Grindhouse film with faux trailers and all. Now that to me…that is just awesome.


Now, even though you still get censorship and commercials when you watch movies on regular cable channels, they still have really stepped it up quite a bit. For example, I was flippin' through the channels a few nights ago trying to find something to watch, I was lucky enough to find that the "male swamp tits" classic, Rambo: First Blood part II was playing on Spike TV. Now, Spike doesn't actually have a High Definition channel (which is a bummer for any channel in my opinion) and usually programming on it isn't exactly great looking from my experience, but I was very surprised to find that Rambo II was looking quite proper when I put it on. First off, the ever-important Widescreen format was in use (and looked great I might add) and secondly, it even almost looked like it was actually playing on an HD station, as it looked really friggin' good considering it was on a regular old cable channel. This really took me by surprise…in a good way of course. Even a few channels like, TNT/TBS, FX and AMC have HD options and have been showing some pretty great movies (especially AMC!) that can be seen on there HD stations (usually) in Widescreen.

Some of these aspects are reason for me watching more and more movies on cable again and I am continually surprised by what I can find to watch at any given time on any one of these channels. Sure, some of them have commercials and lack the boobies I find so endearing, but the quality of the movies shown and how they are treated in there presentation are just getting better by the year. Nowadays you even have the power of DVR or Tivo to help wipe out the commercials if you really don't want to sit through them. Plus, like DVD, you can watch a movie whenever and pause, rewind and fast forward to whatever spot you want. All of these functions can also be found on On-Demand, which has a pretty impressive library of free movies that can be watched and even has a good amount of their films available in HD. Sometimes I find Director's cuts make appearances and even unreleased to DVD HD versions of movies pop up from time to time (like BLOOD GAMES!).

So, now you have a plethora of choices when it comes to cinema viewing from your cable provider and it seems that more than likely you can now find a cool flick to watch at any given time, that will also happen to look great on top of it. While my preferred choice of film viewing is still DVD, I know for myself that I find that I watch a lot more movies on TV than I did a few years back. However, I do wonder if I'm alone in these thoughts...what do "you" think about movies that are shown on cable? Maybe you have satellite…what about satellite movie viewing do you love, or hate? Do you not have either formats and don't care to have them at all? I'll be watching something on FearNet while waiting for your thoughts!

My Exciting Upcoming Movies List

After Matt screamed at me, shouting I had to post a companion to his top 10 list, I racked my tiny brain and threw this together. I don't want to ruin my street cred (whatever that means) but I'll be honest here and tell you I'm not all that big on new releases. I'm a fan of the classics. Recently I've been delving into 50's thrillers and 70's smut. If I happen upon something "new" that is super interesting I file it away. If the file were literal, this blog post would be it (in no particular order).


Ludlow
Ludlow is the brain child of Stacie Ponder aka Final Girl. Stacie chronicles the short films trials and tribulations in a series of very entertaining blog posts. The in depth recounting of the movies creation planted a seed and now it has sprouted into a feverish needy plant. I can't wait to see this in its entirety.



Pontypool
I had actually resigned myself to the fact that I'd have to wait to see this on DVD. BUT, we are going to a screening next Wednesday. Let me first say that yes, this is a "virus" movie. And yes, I too am bored to tears with that premise. I am an eternal optimist. I cling to the hope that maybe one day something will blow me away. Pontypool may be clever enough, or different enough to provide me with what I feel this genre lacks. I'll let you know.





The Box
I don't know what's going on with this movie. The release date kept changing, people's expectations are low, Cameron Diaz is not my favorite dramatic actress, etc. But yet it sits on my list. This is a Richard Kelly film. I can't really say I'm a fan of his. I enjoyed Donnie Darko, but that's it. Still trying to explain why this is on my list... OK, this is based on a Richard Matheson story, Button Button. That story got turned into a fabulous episode of The Twilight Zone. So you can chalk my interest in this up to morbid curiosity. I am awaiting this film so I can point out everything that I deem incorrect. I'm so petty. The Release date is October 30th and there is no trailer I could find.

Cabin in the Woods
This is the Joss Whedon/Drew "Cloverfield" Goddard film that barely exists yet. Unless you want to read a string of speculation, the only link I can send you to in good conscious is the imdb. I love Joss and Drew's work. I will see this no matter what. The release date is listed as February 2010. February is often referred to as a "dumping ground" or a place to "bury films".


Sexy Killer
This film caught my attention at TIFF last year. It was one of a handful of films that etched into my memory. Looks like it will hit the US this year. If when watching the trailer you find the lead actress looks familiar, you may be correct. She was the hot yet creepy tentacle girl in Dagon (a film I love!). She aka Macarena Gomez is super good at being creepy and odd looking yet hot. Frankly, she is the reason I want to see this so badly.

Sexy Battle Girls!

I have read and or heard some reviews for a few of the Pink Eiga film releases over the past year and have anticipated actually seeing some of these movies for quite some time now. Pink Eiga deals specifically in releasing hard to find/unreleased in the U.S. Pink films, which in a nutshell are Japanese soft-core porno's usually mixing in a variety of action, comedy, violence and or perversion resulting in a trashy fun time. I've seen a few of the Toei Pinky Violence films and really enjoyed them, but with 1986's Sexy Battle Girls, this was my first foray into a Pink Eiga film and a release from the Pink Eiga Company…oh boy, I had no idea what I was in for!

Directed by Mototsugu Watanabe, Sexy Battle Girls surprisingly has a somewhat developed, yet very strange, mostly pointless plot. I guess the best way to start it off would be with the opening scene in the film. You ready for this one? Okay, we first meet high school girl, Mirai (Pink film genre vet, Kyoko Hashimoto) as she is getting it on (!) with some random teacher dude (?!). After a few moments of the guy clogging the sewage drain, suddenly you hear a sound similar to a bear trap closing and the guy begins to scream in utter pain. The next scene, Mirai is chastised by her father (Yutaka Ikejima) for removing her Rainbow Bright, spring action, chastity belt and letting a guy slide into home, only to lose his bat in the process. As it turns out, her father has been training her in the classical art of the "Venus Crush." What is the "Venus Crush" you ask? Well, best way to describe it is when Mirai's dad puts an apple in her "hiding spot" then has her use the "Venus Crush" move resulting in...apple slices! Get out the peanut butter kids!

Why is Mirai's father turning her into a cock-crushing machine? Because he is looking to take revenge on the...ahem, "bigger" guy that stole his pregnant wife (and Mirai's mother) from him back in the day and plans on using Mirai's "innie" to do so. He tells Mirai that "Love is not an option…you have to train your weapon by crushing bananas and eggs!" EGGS?! Sounds messy to me. So yea, he has her wearing this chastity belt made out of spare tinker toys (that doesn't seem very resilient to removal), to keep her away from man meat so she can focus on her…I don't know, kegels I guess?

After the whole "dong destroying" incident and in hoping that she will keep her knees closed, Mirai's father transfers her to a new all girls private school where the Headmaster, Bush (Yukijiro Hotaru) just so happens to be that same "bigger" guy that stole Mirai's mother away from her father. Mirai quickly becomes friends with pseudo-lesbian and Headmaster Bush's daughter, Yuka (Ayu Kiyokawa), but also meets and makes fast enemies with the school bully, Susan (Ayumi Taguchi) whose weapon of choice is ballpoint pens used like throwing knives. It is soon learned that Headmaster Bush has taken the liberty of putting the "trouble making" students through various torture-filled punishment and then turning the helpless girls into prostitutes for politicians to feast on. Now, armed with a "modded" Kendama (Japanese yo-yo), Mirai must deal with a pen throwing foe, a corrupt Headmaster, holding back her own youthful promiscuousness, her father's revenge fueled needs, a cock-compacter for a birth canal and math class. Yikes!

Sexy Battle Girls is something else to say the least. Of course, this synopsis is filled with some pretty out there stuff and that's not even the half of it. Calling the movie soft-core porn is putting it lightly, since Sexy Battle Girls is only a pubic hair away from a full on porno film. A very creepy porno film. I actually decided to keep track of sexy screen time and including all scenes involving full on or partial sex related moments, I came up with just around…27 minutes. Did I mention that Sexy Battle Girls is about 60 minutes long? Well, it is and it may have some of the sleaziest sex scenes I have seen in quite some time. I was almost uncomfortable with some of these scenes in the film because they felt so dirty, wrong and inappropriate. Plus, being nude myself didn't help my guilt any either.


Now, the other 33 minutes of Sexy Battle Girls is spent with the very attractive Mirai and her many "in-between sex scene" adventures. Obviously, 33 minutes isn't a whole lotta time to spend, so there really isn't much in terms of action and adventure, which is a bit of a bummer. The very little action however is pretty cool and mostly well shot; best is probably when Mirai and school bully, Susan have there face off. The girls fight with there weapons of choice, pens for Susan and Mirai's yo-yo of death, but that quickly turns into hand to hand combat. Now this isn't hand to hand with style, this is some Dynasty cat-fight shit right here, as the girls role around in grass and weeds pulling hair and punching titties…it reminded me of the "at the next bus stop" girl fights in 8th grade that you got off on an early stop to witness. There's a big difference between Dynasty and Sexy Battle Girls though, I don't remember all that well, but I doubt the classic Dynasty cat-fights ended with a yo-yo concealing a (surprise!) retractable dildo that renders its female victims…err, orgasmic.

Considering Sexy Battle Girls apparently had a budget of 30K, the movie is overall skillfully made by Mototsugu Watanabe a well-regarded director who has over 100 films under his belt and is still making Pink Eiga movies to this very day. Even some of the creepy sex scenes are filled with some nice shots and creative angles to amplify the filth of the film. The low budget shows mostly in some of the cheap sets and props and when I say props, I mean the silly looking chastity belt I made reference to earlier that is covered in springs and toy pieces (more on cheap props in a moment). However, things like that make a film like this charming and fun. I should also note that Sexy Battle Girls is a straight parody of 80's TV series Sukeban Deka (aka Delinquent Girl Detective, or most recently Yo-Yo Girl Cop) adding of course plenty of sex and sleaze not found in the inspiration for Sexy Battle Girls. This results in the film having a very obvious TV feel to it, complete with commercial break intros and outros.


I may come off as loving Sexy Battle Girls, but I didn't necessarily love it. I did however really like it, especially during the 33 minutes of sexless fun and pointless weird story, but surprisingly, the sex was a little much for me (?). First of all, there was a little too much sex and not enough action. Secondly, the sex is pretty dirt-teh and just creepy in general. I don't mind filth and sex in my film choices...in fact, I would normally encourage it. And yeah, sometimes the sex scenes are hot, but other times they are just gross, especially when you see some of the "slimier" moments in the film. And then there's the fake dicks…do you care to hear about the fake dicks? Thought so. There are a few sex scenes where falacio is performed on a few "very obviously" rubber wieners, that while being "semi" funny, is also way weird and the dongs are all glossy looking.

So, I really enjoyed Sexy Battle Girls, it's a very sleazy fun film, with a wacky premise, tons of hot naked Asian girls, and some very silly characters. I would suggest anyone that is not easily offended by lots of grody sex, check it out, but if you aren't into the sex stuff…even a little, you may want to stay far, far away. Nevertheless, for those of you game for some dirty birdie voyeuristic fun, definitely check out Sexy Battle Girls for a romp unlike any other! If any of this sounds like it could float your boat, then I encourage you to check out the Pink Eiga website where you can find Sexy Battle Girls along with a nice handful of other films including S&M Hunter. In addition, check out these fantastic podcast's, The Gentlemen's Guide to Midnite Cinema and Cinema Diabolica if you want to hear some other great reviews of Pink Eiga films.

Cadaver

Not to be confused with the not so well received 2006 Thai horror film of the same name, Cadaver (aka The Cut, Anonymous Blood) is a South Korean Horror/Mystery/ghost film set in a medical school morgue. Cadaver follows six medical students who are also (for the most part) a group of friends that together are attending their first autopsy class, where each group of students is assigned a body to work on, dissect and examine for a grade. The body that they end up having to work on is an attractive woman with a rose tattoo on her chest and a huge heart surgery scar right down the middle of her torso. Soon after the students work on the corpse, they find themselves haunted by the vengeful female Cadaver and being killed off one by one in the school autopsy room by a mysterious one-eyed man with a limp, leaving the victims with a surgical scar similar to the one on the rose tattooed female corpse. The students of course try to figure out exactly why this is all happening to them and the mystery solving begins. Exactly who is this one-eyed dude with the pimp walk, and how does he tie in with the student deaths and also how does the heart surgery scarred, rose tattooed dead girl fit into the whole equation.

I've seen and enjoyed a good number of Asian horror films over the years and after the whole Japanese driven horror/ghost story explosion from earlier in the decade, it all got a little old, stale and repetitive with the originality running dry with the quickness. Cadaver has elements similar to films of that ilk with it being a ghost story with a mystery to solve with the need to possibly resolve a broken past before the students are all knocked off. But even with story elements similar to those movies, Cadaver does every thing right and has a very good, complex story that is far from sigh inducing, but I won't go into many more plot details since I would rather you find out for yourself without the possibility of figuring anything out from my words written here. I will however, bring up the recurring theme of Necrophilia in Cadaver that adds an interesting arch for some of the films characters. At times though, Cadaver is a little confusing, but all the pieces fall into place by the films end and there are a few nice surprises that would most certainly invoke some debate as to exactly what happens in the film.


The group of students are very typical of an American horror film with stereotypical characters (slut, dork, cool guy etc..) that are all different from each other and makes you wonder why their friends in the first place. I guess being students together may be their bond and the characteristics aren't as overbearing as they usually are in some horror films made in the U.S. so it's not a glaring issue, more one to mention for its existence. The acting is very good from all of the students and the few elders they deal with, though some of the dialogue felt a little off at times. Chances are that the off dialogue is caused by Korean to English translation (or me being mad tired), it isn't bad or anything, I just had to read extra hard at times to understand what was happening.

As for how Cadaver is in a technical aspect, I will say almost right from the first five minutes of the movie, I knew I was probably in for a very well made film with some of that signature South Korean film making flare and skill. Director, Son Tae-woong starts the film off with a cool P.O.V. shot scene, that turns out to be the point of view of a cadaver, then some really cool camerawork that frantically flows through hallways and goes up a few flights of stairs with a slight fish eyed lens shot from high and low. It looked really cool and reminded me of that awesome beginning form the Tales from the Crypt TV series. I was even happier to find out that technically, Cadaver is a great film throughout, the Seong Seung-taek cinematography is fantastic from start to finish, with a plethora of techniques used effectively and a few surprisingly beautiful moments during unexpected times throughout the movie. This great film making also goes hand in hand with the next topic I will touch upon.

Now, Cadaver is very obviously a horror movie and of course, you would want to know if it's a scary film or not. There could have been a tiny bit more of the scary stuff in Cadaver, it has a (very) little mystery solving downtime that slows the film down and would have been prime opportunity to toss in another scare. Even with that said, when the scary scenes do happen, they are phenomenally done and they all tie into the great technical aspects that I mention just a moment ago. It would be obvious that a film focused on dead bodies and morgues, morgues would be your main place of terror. With amazing use of lighting, pacing, music, and perfectly applied tension, the scenes are very frightening and intense. What stood out for me most was the use of sound and how effective and distinctive it was, especially the autopsy tables that are moved around in the brilliantly lit room with a horrendous screeching sound that caused havoc on my eardrums…in a good way of course. Something else I found to be quite effective is when the first victim is "taken out," he/she makes a cell phone call and the death itself is recorded on to a voicemail of one of the other students. Later on, this recording is used effectively to fuck with the rest of the gang, playing back at opportune moments adding to the unease and fear of the remaining students.

If you love, like, or are even just a casual fan of Asian horror films, then Cadaver is a must see. I would have to see it again before saying it’s at the top with some of the other well-known classic Asian horror stories, but it is definitely in the league with those big dogs and I really enjoyed the film for everything it does right. Cadaver avoids feeling like "another Asian ghost story" and even with the cell phone recorded deaths, they are used as a tool of fear, instead of a tool of death, as is the case with a lot of the films from this genre…for example: watch a video, die. Answer a phone call, die.

In a nutshell, Cadaver is a great little ghost story that is a little more than just that, with some great scenes that really deliver on the scares and the films overall sense of dread. It's superbly made with skillful execution that shows care for the technical details that puts Cadaver a step above the rest of the Asian retreads. While it worked for me, some may have issue with the story because it's just one of those stories that either alienates people, or wins them over. Same may go for the characters as they aren't very fleshed out to start, but I felt by the end of the film that they were fleshed out before my very eyes during the run of the movie with interesting facts and character arcs sprinkled throughout Cadaver.

Cadaver will soon be making its U.S. debut courtesy of IFC on May 20th and if you are interested in checking out Cadaver for yourself, you can do so in the IFC Festival Direct section of there On-demand service. I encourage you to give this film a watch and even more so, encourage you to let me know your take on the film…hopefully you'll like it as much as I did!

Cruising

I had never even heard of this film before we arbitrarily chose to watch it.

Al Pacino is a hungry young cop placed undercover in New York's gay/S&M subculture in hopes of catching a serial killer. High jinks ensue.

Cruising shocked me. The frank manner in which homosexuality and S&M were discussed caught me off guard. There was a constant supply of leather and shirtless, sweaty, writhing men. The way in which most scenes were filmed left me feeling dirty and voyeuristic. Both Pacino's character and I were peering into a world we shouldn't be privy to. I must say I was enraptured.

The story itself is interesting enough; cops chasing down a deranged serial killer. Nothing too ground breaking, but an intriguing whodunit none the less. When you throw the late 70's gay subculture into the mix it becomes something all together different. I have never seen a movie deal with certain aspects of homosexuality with such an in your face tone.

Cruising comes complete with some "wtf?!" moments. A large black cop wearing only a cowboy hat and a jock strap proceeds to smack some guys around during interrogation. If you can figure out who he is and why he needs the hat I would be greatly appreciative. Pacino's character also gets a lesson in the meanings behind some specifically colored bandannas. It'll make you think twice about placing that yellow piece of cloth in your back pocket. This film expertly immerses you into (for me at least) a completely foreign world.

Pacino isn't the only name attached to this film that's worth mentioning. Paul Sorvino is the fatherly captain, Karen Allen plays Pacino's mousy girlfriend and Joe "Maniac" Spinell is a creepy cop! There are so many wonderful things about this film. It's dark, gritty, hopeless and one hell of an entertaining watch. Cruising is currently avilable for instant watch on netflix.

Top 10 Portals into the (near) Future of Awesome Cinema!

I'll keep the reading brief since I'm asking you to dedicate so much time watching trailers, but I'll bank on it that most of you have seen a few of these already, and if you haven't please do! Now, I will preface that I am avoiding the obvious most anticipated choices like the Inglorious Basterds, Public Enemies and Terminator Salvations of the year, and focusing on lesser known and or foreign films, but films I really cannot wait to see! These are mostly in order, and I hope you please sit back, and enjoy my top 10 most anticipated films for the rest of 2009…I’ll even give you a foot massage while you read.

10. The House of the Devil

Written and directed by Ti West, the one time wunderkind behind the 2005 film The Roost (a film I quite enjoyed for the record), comes The House of the Devil. After the Roost, West went and directed the less than loved Trigger Man and also did Cabin Fever 2, which is due sometime in 2009. But with this trailer for The House of the Devil, it certainly looks like the now 13-year-old West is back on the right track with his newest film.



9. Crying fist

From South-Korean director Ryoo Seung-wan (City of Violence) comes a boxing drama starring Choi Min-sik, and Ryoo Seung-wan. It was actually my love for Oldboy and Choi Min-sik's performance in that film that got me to notice Crying fist, so of course I had to watch what turned out to be this fabulous trailer. For the record, Crying Fist was actually just released on DVD in Canada this month, but I just had to include it on my list for most anticipated films of 2009 since I haven't seen it, and it looks so great…is that cheating?



8. Mother

I really liked Bong Joon-ho's 2006 big monster film The Host, though I thought it was a little long winded and it doesn’t keep up with the awesomeness of the first 15 minutes or so of the film. One thing he did achieve though is a film that outside of being a big monster film was a film with some deep emotional character driven stuff. With that said, I think Bong Joon-ho can do something pretty amazing with the story of a mother trying to clear her handicapped son of a murder he confessed to, but did not commit. I will have to apologize that the trailer for Mother is not an English one, but I think you will get the gist of the film from the one provided.



7. Hunter Prey

I think any film fan that has come to witness Sandy Collora's fantastic Batman: Dead End short, has eagerly awaited a full-length feature from the full time FX artist. Hunter Prey is about a small group of soldiers that crash land onto an unknown world and now have to hunt and capture an alien that escaped in the failed landing process. Now with Hunter Prey, we can see what Collora is really made of, and from the looks of it, he might pull off some big stuff with some not so big money.



6. Blood: the Last Vampire

I've seen the Anime this film is based off, but barley remember it to be honest. I do remember liking it quite a bit however, and this live action film looks pretty exciting and I can't help but get pumped for a film filled with Vampires and martial Arts. Blood is set during the American occupation of Japan just after WWII and follows a ½ Vamp ½ human (Blade?) that hunts full on Vampires for a food source, all the while ridding the earth of the vile creatures. This trailer is pretty awesome, but I can't help but think there's a chance that this movie could be stinky pooh too…I am hoping for the former.



5. Mutants

American horror film fans have been more than neglected when it comes to getting good original horror movies for quite some time now, but man those mother fuckin' French have really taken the genre and carried it for a good portion of this decade! I have enjoyed and or loved all of the better-known horror films from France during this Wave of Mutilation and Mutants does not look to disappoint at all. Of course Mutants is a zombie film, a genre that has been picked over pretty badly, but I have faith that Director David Morley will deliver a nice intimate zombie film focusing on a few characters therefore keeping it character driven. Once again, this is a French language teaser trailer, but you'll have no problem understanding what is going on in it.



4. Ninja!

So, a few days before I started writing this blog and I already knew what films I would have on this list, I saw the trailer for Ninja! Now it's at number four. Shot in Bulgaria, Ninja! stars background action movie vet, Scott Adkins in a role that could be career changing if it delivers on the goods seen here in this insanely amazing trailer. It looks so bad-ass, and kinda reminds me of one of those fantastic 90's Caucasian led "Karate" films (I'm looking at you Mr. Speakman!), but with full on Ninja! gear and Ninja! moves! This trailer is dope on so many levels that I can't even fathom my life before seeing it. Get a change of undies ready…this one's gonna get messy.



3. 9

A full-length version of a short film from Shane Acker, 9 is a CGI film that actually appeals to me. I'm not a big fan of these "wink at the adult," CGI films that have ruled the youth of today's movie watching minds…in fact, I think they fucking blow. The stuff I grew up with as a kid was pretty dark, and with an animated film set in a post apocalyptic world, 9 promises to be a very adult geared film, that will be accessible to the youngsta's too. The animation style is very cool looking, the character design is interesting, and the cast is just spectacular. This is the only film on this list that will see a wide release in U.S. theaters, and with Tim Burton as one of the films producers, I hope this film does well so we can see more like it (and this years fabulous Coraline!).



I have to add that number two and number one are interchangeable and are pretty much both at the number one spot for me, as they are both my most anticipated films for the rest of 2009.

2. Thirst

For some time I have considered Park Chan-wook to be by far one of the best (and my favorite) filmmakers working today and love all of his films from J.S.A., to I'm a Cyborg, But That's OK (and then there's that little trilogy somewhere in between those films too). I also happen to love Vampire movies…well, good ones that is, so having one of my favorite directors tackling the Vampire genre, or even just the horror genre in general, is something that really excites me. Park Chan-wook has done nothing but wow me with every film he does and Thirst looks like it will live up to my own personal hype with a trailer that shows his trademark imagery, music, and taboo subject matter. No speaka no English in this trailer either!



1. Vengeance

I saw Johnnie To's film Full Time Killer a few years back and thought it was a cool, although a very typical and unoriginal Hong Kong action film. Up until sometime last year, I hadn't seen another To film until I watched Breaking News, soon followed by Exiled, and then the Election films. Since that nice little run of movie greatness, I now consider To to be one of my favorite filmmakers working, and like Park Chan-wook, consider him to be one of the best in the business. This man is brilliant, plain and simple (and more people need to know it!), and Vengeance looks amazing…just see for yourself!



Man…if your still here through all that, I commend you my lovely reader and also thank you for sticking it out with me and my obnoxious "list." But I wanted to express my anticipation for these films, so it's very nice that I can share with someone outside of my cat and my signed 8x10 Phoebe Cates picture I won from Cheerios. Of course, there are other films that could have made this list, but I didn't have any trouble making this list either as all of these films look great and are more than deserving of a spot. Of course I would love to hear what YOU think about the films listed here, and would even more so love to hear YOUR most anticipated films for the rest of 09'. Unless of course, you died from old age since you started reading this post.

Dark Mirror

While the Martin family is looking for a new house, wife and mother, Deborah Martin (Lisa Vidal) talks her husband Jim (David Chisum) into buying a home that she, for some reason is drawn to. After moving in, Deborah along with their young son, Ian (Joshua Pelegrin), are left with the house all to themselves, as Deborah is trying to focus on getting her once flourishing photography career back in line while Jim is working many long hours at his new job. Out of what would equates to boredom, Deborah decides to take a picture of her bathroom mirror that causes a strange ripple effect through to what seems to be another dimension of sorts. This sets off a series of events where Deb begins seeing things through mirrors and glass reflections, such as a mysterious hooded character that appears be stalking her. A hooded character that may also be killing anyone that Deb happens to photograph, and now she must figure out why and how this is all happening.

2009's Dark Mirror is an independent film from first time feature length director Pablo Proenza, and as you may have already figured out from my brief synopsis above, is a typical thriller with elements of the supernatural. Dark Mirror starts with a pretty cool, albeit short scene that I will not spoil, and then after the title card comes up, I was treated to the ever so original "three months earlier!" Based off that beginning, you get the idea that Dark Mirror isn't the most creative of films, but it's a decent one, certainly with some good things going for it at least.

Shot on Super 16, Dark Mirror is well made and looks very clean and crisp considering its lower budget and all. The Armando Salas cinematography is solid with nice camera movement and tricks that convey some well realized atmosphere, and gives a sense of claustrophobia when inside of the new creepy house. Now, the first 15-20 minutes of Dark Mirror has some very clunky editing, but thankfully, the editing and transitions do get much better as the movie goes on.

A few technical standouts that I found to be impressive are during the scene when Deb takes the photo of her bathroom mirror, the flash bulb continues to flash through a series of mirrors from her dimension, to what may be another dimension. I found the use of light to also nice, with some cool blur effects and lens flairs when something "supernatural" is happening, and when there isn't, the film has a nice dreamlike quality to it with the use of soft lighting throughout certain scenes in the film. I also dug how the film quality changed whenever Deb looked at herself in a mirror, it had a really cool filtered alternate reality look about it.

I did also really enjoy the films score done by Pieter A. Schlosser and Isaac Sprintis, as it is very haunting, simple, and never obtrusive or overwhelming onto the film itself. It adds some character and I am always a sucker for a little creepy piano. I should mention that the films sound is pretty good too, I especially like when the very distinct flashbulb goes off that conveys a sort of hyper-realistic supernatural feeling with the noise it makes.

Co-written by Matthew Reynolds with director Proenza, Dark Mirror (most of the time) has some fantastic, very realistic dialogue. Sounds like real people talking, especially when Deborah and husband Jim are interacting with each other. With that said, unfortunately the story isn't all that great, and has little to no originality to it at all. Dark Mirror feels like a million and one other thrillers of this nature, which is a bummer since many things in this film work, though story isn't one of them. One scene in particular that is really lame, is when Deb's mother Grace, mentions that the windows in Deb's new house are very "feng shui" and the mirrors around them are meant to protect the inhabitants of the home. Deb "just so happens" to have a book on feng shui handy, and Deb "just so happens" to turn to the page on the "power of glass and mirrors" section and begins to read out load how glass and mirrors can trap deviant souls. The scene reminds me of those wicked annoying commercials for "YAZ," where a group of women are out on the town talking about their periods (so gross), when one interrupts them with every fact and side effect about the birth control product. It's a poor way to explain what is going on in fear of confusing, or losing the audience, and probably isn't needed at all, as it hurts the otherwise great dialogue.

Overall the acting is good, with a few rough around the edges performances, namely by Lupe Ontiveros who plays Grace, Deborah's mother who talks like she's on nitrous oxide, and Christine Lakin who plays Tammy, the cocky next door neighbor, who overacts a bit. I might almost be able to give Lakin a little overacting leeway since she plays an actress/model obsessed with herself and her looks, and does so quite convincingly, as she really comes off as a cunty bitch. Oh…and I might add that she is pretty hot too, not that it...umm…sways my opinion in anyway or anything. Moving on.


Everyone else is pretty good, most notably is David Chisum, who when interacting with Vidal have a great chemistry together that went very well with the dialogue I liked so much. Of course, the driving force of Dark Mirror is the very easy on the eyes, Lisa Vidal, who puts forth a solid performance, as she really carries the film on her back as Deborah. With Vidal's performance comes what may be the underlying message of Dark Mirror. The mental struggle of a wife and mother stuck at home dealing with the fact that she is having a difficult time resurrecting her photography career, the loneliness she feels from a husband who is always at work, and having to take care of their child and his own youthful insecurities all by herself. This leads to Deb having a lot of time on her hands to dwell in her own thoughts, as she becomes more and more delusional, or so it seems at least. Makes you wonder, is there really a killer or spirit behind the deaths? On the other hand, is it all in Deb's own head, created by boredom from having too much time on her hands?

Of course, to no surprise, there is a twist tie at the end of the film that reveals why all of this is happening, but whatever, I was honestly expecting something twisty to happen from the moment I popped the movie in. However, I did like how the film is handled after the twist is revealed, and this portion of Dark Mirror really makes up for how the very few deaths are dealt with (if you can call them that) earlier in the film. Deaths that were very reminiscing of mid 90's Full Moon films, where you're not even sure if someone is killed or not…or even sure as to what happened to them at all.

I found Dark Mirror to be a decent movie that could have been a lot better, but also a lot worse. There certainly is some great talent attached to this film, with director Proenza's direction, the music, some of the acting, and the films style, all done nicely on a meager budget. If it wasn't for the lack of a good coherent story, the film could be a lot better, and when making a film on a budget, the story should primarily not be too confused or over thought. Overall, there are enough good points to make Dark Mirror a worthwhile view, plus it's under 90 minutes so it's a quick watch to boot.

If you want to check out Dark Mirror, it is being released May 6th through the IFC In Theaters section of there On-demand service, which you can find more details on how, and where to watch it by clicking right here. I would love to hear others thoughts on Dark Mirror as I think this is a film that would inspire mixed reactions and interpretations…and mixed reactions and interpretations are always the most fun! Aren't they?

"Hush" & IFC

Allow me to pull back the curtain for a moment. We recently were sent a lovely little stack of DVDs from IFC Films. As I see it, the package is akin to being sent a sack of cinematic gold. IFC is a bastion of quality film and I am thrilled to get the chance to wade through so many titles. That being said, my first pick was entirely blind. I was not disappointed.

Hush caught me completely off guard. I thought I was in for something entirely different than what I ended up getting. I gasped and was left slack jawed more than once. I want you to see this movie and have the same experience. I want you, the viewer, to sit down to watch this film with no clue what you're in for. If you do, there is no way you will be let down. But because I know you (and I'm shocked I managed not to go snooping for reviews online before I popped it in), I also know you want to know what Hush was about.

I'll start a tad vague in the hopes that it will be enough and you'll stop there. In the hopes that you'll get a chance to see this film and just let it unravel naturally. If Joy Ride and Breakdown had a cooler, British baby, this would be it. Too vague? OK, fine, if you want to ruin it for yourself continue on for more of a synopsis.

Hush is similar to countless other "roadway" thrillers (see above for examples). A couple is traveling the highway on a rainy night. They inadvertently get caught up in some kind of human trafficking plot. Through another twist of fate, the woman gets abducted and hauled off in the obligatory unmarked truck. This sets the main story in motion as her boyfriend quests after her. Sure, it's pretty cut and dry. Like I said, it shares plot points with a slew of other films (for a second it reminded me of High Tension). Just because it's using a well established plot device doesn't discount it as an enjoyable film.

One of the big pluses for this film is that tension is effectively built. Without that tension a film like this would be hard to get in to. No matter how unbelievable you may find the string of events to be, the characters believe them and the acting pulls you along for the journey. Hush offered up a few minor twists which I didn't see coming. The less you know, the easier it is to get caught up in the film. Once I had pegged down what exactly I was watching, I was looking for certain genre conventions. Again, that does not take away from the film, unless you let it.

At the films conclusion I was aware of a few plot points that were never really explained or elaborated on. The man who was kidnapping these woman and carting them around in a truck was left a mystery. Nothing about him was ever clear. I suppose that's OK. The film was never about him or even some unseen group of sleazy men selling girls into slavery. From the opening scenes the story was clearly focused on the couple, Beth and Zakes. After all was said and done, I could brush all my unanswered questions away and be OK with the fact that I never knew anymore than my protagonists. We went through the ordeal together, privy to the same information.

If you couldn't already tell, I recommend this for a speedy, tense and entertaining watch.
You can click here for more information on Hush. You can watch it On-Demand through July 7th. Also, be sure to check out Dark Mirror, another IFC Film, starting Wednesday May 6th.

Oh-oh here they come…

I don't even know where to begin with 1968's She- Devils on Wheels…it is such a nonsensical little movie filled with all sorts of bad, and a (very) few moments of good fun. Directed by Herschell Gordon Lewis, who is better known as "The Godfather of Gore," She-Devils on Wheels doesn't really have much of a plot I guess…it's more of a series of events that occur during the daily lives of the all female biker gang "The Man-Eaters."

She-Devils on Wheels starts off with a girl pulling out of a garage on a bike, when the scene freezes on her leg and bike for a 4 plus minute opening credit sequence, while the Man-Eaters theme song "Get off the Road" (The Faded Blue) plays. Sure, she has a nice leg, but I really don’t want to spend my whole night looking at it either. After the 3 hours of credits, and leg, we meet "The Man-Eaters," a group of horny gutter sluts that roll deep and rule the roads as they spend their days racing each other to decide which one of the girls will get the first pick of men in the "Stud Line." A stud line up, that truly is filled with the finest man-meat this side of my man-meat, studs that seems to spend their days, waiting to get picked to do a little Man-Eater "eating"…not the worst life to live I would have to say. When the girls make their "Prick Picks," a massive orgy ensues! To the sweet sounds of "Get off the Road," an orgy of fully clothed people roll around on the floor giggling, and having all sorts of naughty fun!

One of the first "bumps in the road" the Man-Eaters face in She-Devils on Wheels is when the wicked hot "Karen," (Christie Wagner) is thought to be falling for one of "The Studs" when she picks him more than a few times to do the dirt-teh deed. Falling for a guy is a big no-no when you're an independent, free wheeling biker bitch, and even more so when your gang is called Man-Eaters of course. "Queen," (Betty Connell) the Man-Eaters "over the clothes" sex crazed leader, decides to test Karen’s dedication by forcing her to drag her "crush" from the back of her bike while going a whooping 8 miles per hour. Karen reluctantly does so, leaving the guy with a couple of holes in his shirt and Kool-Aid all over his skin, but it shows Karen is truly loyal to the Man-Eaters.


The gang then gets right back to the "Man-Eating," and we're subject to some more high speed 20 mph bike races, a few more "over the clothes" orgy's occur, and the youngest pseudo member "Honey Pot" (Nancy Lee Noble) becomes a full fledged Man-Eater when she loses her "over the clothes" virginity. "Get Off the Road" plays some more, and Karen’s ex boyfriend makes a few appearances trying to get her back, then later showing up in the Stud Line warning Karen of an impending rival "all male" biker gang attack at the Man-Eaters compound/over the clothes orgy spot. Honey Pot ends up being the target of the not yet "Man-Eaten" rival gang, as they kidnap her and "over the clothes" rape her, leaving her body outside the Man-Eaters hang out. In case you may have forgotten, these girls are the Man-Eaters, and they ain't gonna put up with no sorta bologna from another gang…especially a gang made up of men! Of course, the Man-Eaters are planning to take revenge, and unfortunately for the rival gang, these Man-Eaters don't only come out at night. "Get off the Road" plays a few more dozen times and the ladies embark on their revenge-fueled attack, taking the men out one by one.

That's pretty much the rest of She-Devils on Wheels, and I cannot help but think I may be making this film sound better than it is, that is not my intention. She-Devils isn't a good movie at all, in fact it is pretty bad, and when I say bad…that means something. She-Devils on Wheels may be one of the worst shot films I have ever seen in my entire life, there is no sort of film making capabilities shown at any point in the film. HGL tries at times to do something cool and creative with camera shots, but it does not work at all…not even in the least bit. Many times the movie looks like a very bad version of a school scare film instead of a drive-in cult classic. The editing might even be worse than the film making(!), and even then that isn't even the beginning of what doesn't work about the film. Not that I expect greatness from HGL, but "technically" this is the worst of his stuff that I've ever seen.

The acting sucks except for a very few girls, "Get Off the Road" needs to "Get Out of My Life" immediately, and just to add to the bad, She-Devils on Wheels is at times VERY boring. With a movie like this, I would have liked to see some "under the clothes" Man-Eater action at least once. Only a few of the girls are attractive, namely Karen who is pretty hot, and Queen who isn't too bad to look at (and one of the only decent actresses in the bunch), but that is pretty much it. Some of the girls are pretty haggard looking with one, who come to think of it, looks kinda like Rocky Dennis, and another that looks like a 300lb version of Ernest Borgnine, with blond pigtails of course…hot right?


Now the movie isn't all bad, it has some pretty awesome dialogue at times, namely when they are talking about the men in the "Stud Line." I found myself entertained with lines like "I hope I don't get a jellyfish this time, maybe it'll be a swordfish!" For the record, if any of you ladies out there run into a man with "Jellyfish Junk," stick to the "over the clothes" style of intercourse…trust me on this one. I did like a few of the characters too, Queen was a lot of fun to watch when she was doing her thang, and I liked the Borgnine look alike character "Whitey," (Pat Poston) mostly because she was kind of funny and could spit some rhymes. One of my favorite parts in all of She-Devils on Wheels is "after the credits." We see the Man-Eaters driving down the street, when Queen and Whitey stop and get off their bikes, they approach the camera and do a little back and forth rap that ends with the line…"We don’t owe nobody nuthin', and we don't make no deals, we're swingin' chicks on motors, and we're man-eaters on wheels!!" Then they proceed to get back on their bikes and drive away, this moment almost made me like the movie because it was fun and pretty charming. I really wish there was more moments like that.

Now, I didn't hate She-Devils on Wheels…it had just enough fun to it to make me not want to hate it completely. I almost could say that I liked it, but I didn't, but I also didn't dislike it either. None of this makes sense I know, its just that the fun stuff is too few and far between, the bad stuff is too plenty and it's hard to forgive a film for being boring. I guess I could recommend She-Devils on Wheels if you are a fan of this type of film, and maybe after reading this you will have lowered standards to the point that your taste becomes slightly skewed. I really want to like this film and almost did, but She-Devils on Wheels misses the mark, and has trouble even succeeding as a "bad movie." Personally, I would maybe watch it again if it aired on cable and nothing else was on, it might deserve one more shot from me to try and appreciate it.